


The Spiderhawk Family

by marvelouswritings



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 14:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelouswritings/pseuds/marvelouswritings
Summary: Clint and Natasha are on a mission, it's complicated, it always is. They wind up at the hospital. Clint adopts a son under the alias Nick Parker with his wife Amanda Parker (Natasha). Things only get more complicated, but it's Clint and Natasha. What else do you expect?





	1. Chapter 1

“Clint I’m fine, I don’t need to go to the hospital.” Natasha argued in the house they were staying at. They were on a long term, deep cover, undercover operation. 

“Nat I know you’re fine, but I need to take you to the hospital, you’re supposed to be my wife. I have to take care of you. It’s going to look weird if I don’t take you to the hospital.” Clint said putting pressure on the stab wound Natasha received while they were scoping out the target. It was in a bad area and a thug who wanted her purse did it. 

Natasha hissed at the increased pressure and let her head fall back. 

“Ok that’s it. I’m calling it. Let’s go.” He said moving to pick up Natasha bridal style from her spot on the floor. 

“Call Fury.” Natasha groaned as Clint put her in the back seat of the car, a few of the neighbors who were walking their dogs noticed and watched with curiosity. 

They arrived at the hospital and Clint picked her up and ran her into the emergency room. They were acting with the precision of academy award winning actors.

“Please! Please! Someone help me! My wife was stabbed.” Clint pleaded with Natasha in his arms, blood dripping from her leg. 

Natasha wasn't hurt all that bad, especially considering some of the other injuries she had sustained in the past. It was all part of the act, part of the show they were putting on. That's what undercover work was. 

“Can I get a stretcher in here!” A nurse yelled from behind the check in desk and came around to help Natasha, grabbing gauze as she went. 

“Please help her.” Clint begged as a stretcher was wheeled in and Natasha was taken from his arms. 

“Nick!” Natasha called as she was wheeled away from Clint. Clint wasn't the only one acting. 

“Amanda!” He called trying to follow the stretcher and was stopped by nurses. 

“Sir your wife is in good hands. You'll be able to see her soon. I just need to get her information.” The nurse soothed taking Clint to the check in desk. 

“Is she going to be ok?” 

“I'm sure she's going to be just fine. It didn't look very bad when I saw it, but they might keep her overnight just to make sure and run some tests.” 

“She hates hospitals. I can't believe this happened.” 

“What exactly did happen sir?” 

“We were sitting at the park, relaxing and all of a sudden this guy comes up and demands her purse and stabs my Amanda. I would have given him everything I had, I just wanted him to go away.” 

“I see. And what's your wife's name sir?” 

“Amanda Parker.” 

“I see. Anything your wife is allergic to Mr. Parker?” 

“No. Amanda is perfectly healthy.” 

“So no prior illnesses or injuries?” 

“Um, uh. When she was younger she did gymnastics and ballet. She said she was getting hurt all the time.” Clint said visibly distraught, even though he wasn't truly, he was just trying to figure out a cover. 

“Ok Mr. Parker. I think that's all for now. Let me take you back to your wife.” 

Clint relaxed, he was out of the light for a few seconds, he could be himself. He was worried about Natasha, but he knew she was fine, the knife missed her arteries and tendons, it was a flesh wound. It was Nick who was worried about Amanda. 

When he saw her he knew that the show was back on and he was back in character. 

“Amanda!” He shouted running to her when he saw her. He kissed her and held her face while the doctors were still examining and debating what they wanted to do. 

“Nick baby. I’m ok. The doctor said I was going to be ok.” Natasha said as she ran her still blood covered hands through his hair. 

“Doctor, how bad was it. Is she going to be ok?” He asked taking her hand. 

“Yes Mr. Parker. Amanda is going to be just fine, part of the knife did break off during the attack and is still in her leg, but we can easily remove it and stitch her up. We do want to keep her over night just to make sure an infection doesn’t start. We already gave her a tetanus shot just to make sure she’s ok.” The doctor said with a smile. He liked the two of them, he thought their love was cute, it reminded him of an old Hollywood love story his mom used to watch. 

“Thank you so much doctor.” Clint said shaking his hand. 

“Let me go get some scrubs on and then we will get started.” He said taking his leave with the other doctor and leaving Clint and Natasha to themselves. 

“So I guess another mission ends up with a trip to the infirmary.” Clint joked to Natasha. 

“It’s always something with us. Did Fury call back yet?” Natasha asked with a small smile. 

“No. Not yet, he’ll probably call in the morning. It’s not a big deal, he probably already knows, it’s almost like he can see into the future.” Clint responded tucking Natasha’s hair behind her ear. The two of them weren’t a couple, but they had this unspoken thing for years, whenever Clint was with her he never wanted to leave her, he was always happiest when he was with Natasha. Their unspoken thing helped to make missions like this easier and he never minded when he got to kiss Natasha. It always gave him butterflies afterwards. 

The doctor came back in and began. Natasha and Clint both didn’t say anything the entire time, Clint just held her hand and when it was over kissed her on the forehead. 

“Alright then. You are good to go up to your room Mrs. Parker. You should be back to normal in about two weeks or less, luckily the knife missed your tendons and arteries.” The doctor said as two orderlies came in to wheel Natasha upstairs. 

Clint shook his hand and thanked him once again as he followed Natasha out the room. The walk was short, they were at a relatively small hospital and it wasn’t very busy. Once the orderlies had Natasha situated in her new room they took their leave and Clint sat down in the chair beside Natasha. 

“How long till you think we can bust out of here?” Natasha joked taking Clint’s hand. 

“The doc said you’d be home by tomorrow as long as your leg doesn’t show any signs of infection, which we both know it won’t. So less than twelve hours probably.” 

“God, I’m going to lose my mind because of boredom being cooped up in here.” Natasha sighed and took the TV remote from her bedside table. 

“Maybe I can sneak you out, we could go see the kids in the nursery if you want?” Clint offered knowing how inattentive the night nurses could be at hospitals. Natasha loved kids, she volunteered with kids at an orphanage a little ways away from their apartments in New York. 

“Maybe. Do you think you could run back to the house and get me some other clothes? I do not want to wear a hospital gown.” Natasha asked making her big green eyes bigger for the effect. She knew when she did that she could get practically anything she wanted on an undercover mission. 

“Of course honey. Your wish is my command.” He said with a smile and kissed her. He couldn’t tell if this was part of an act or if they both felt that way. The thing was, neither could Natasha. 

Clint released their kiss and grabbed the keys to the car that were on the table and headed out. The house was only ten minutes away, he speeded the whole way there, there wasn’t any traffic out, there was hardly any people. He made it back to the hospital with a duffle bag full of clothes for both him and Natasha in fifteen minutes, when he got into the elevator he pushed the wrong button on accident and was taken to the wrong floor. In a hospital almost every floor looks the same way when you get out of the elevator so he stepped off and walked as if he was headed to Natasha’s room. 

He realized he was on the wrong floor when he walked past the nursery and backpedaled to look at the babies, he figured if he was there he might as well take a look. 

A lot of the cribs had name tags that matched with whatever baby’s name that was in it. Some cribs had tags but no one was in them. Clint figured that they were with their parents. As he looked at the babies from the window he looked at the names, he saw very traditional names, but it made sense because they were in a traditional neighborhood. He saw that every crib with a tag on it had a name except for one, he was wrapped in a blue blanket and wasn’t crying, he was very calm even though no one was paying attention to him. Clint tapped on the glass and a nurse with a kind smile came through the door. 

“Hi there. I’m Nicole. Is your child in here?” She asked looking Clint up and down. 

“Oh no. A friend of mine, just had a baby and I was here to bring them some stuff.” He lied holding up the duffle bag. “I was just wondering about the little boy with no name tag. Is that just an accident?” 

“Oh. No sadly. His mother gave him up for adoption, he doesn’t even have a name. The mom said she couldn’t take care of him, she wouldn’t even hold him.” The lady sighed and looked at the little boy on the other side of the glass. 

“Oh my god. That’s terrible. Do you know if anybody has wanted to adopt him, or what the process is?” He asked. He knew he probably shouldn’t, he knew Fury would kill him, but he couldn’t willingly watch a kid get put into the same system he went through when he had the means to stop it. 

“No. No one wants to adopt him. We hardly get any orphans here. Most of the families who want to adopt have to go out of the area to find kids, but this time for some reason no one wants him. If he doesn’t get adopted soon he’s going to be put into the system. I don’t want to be here when that day comes, he such a calm baby.” 

Clint sighed. The voice in the back of his mind said to do it even if every logical part of his body told him not to. He knew he was going to do it, he couldn’t watch such a sweet baby like him get shipped off to god knows where. 

The nurse turned to go, but Clint called after her. 

“Ma’am. Do you know where I can start filling out adoption forms for him?” Clint asked with a smile. 

“Yes of course. Right this way Mr.?” 

“Parker.” 

“Of course Mr. Parker.” She said with a smile and led Clint down a hallway to start the process. 

When the paperwork was filled out and Clint was waiting for the background check to finish he was able to hold the little boy. The same nurse who had told him about the boy brought him over and placed him in his arms. Clint gently took him and held him like an old pro, he had been to the orphanage enough times with Natasha that it wasn’t his first time. 

“Hey there little guy.” He whispered to the baby in his arms. 

“Mr. Parker. If you don’t mind me asking. Why are you choosing to adopt instead of have your own children, I see that you are married.” She motioned to his ring. 

“Oh. My wife and I can’t have our own biological kids. We had another adoption lined up, but it fell through at the last second. If I can get this one to work my wife will be over the moon, I just don’t want to tell her yet in case something goes wrong.” Clint lied as the little boy cuddled up to him even more and started cooing. 

“That is one of the sweetest things I have ever heard Mr. Parker. Plus I think your new son likes you.” 

“What? It went through?” 

“Yes. Congratulations Mr. Parker. You are officially a dad. I would go tell your wife if I was you, and start thinking of names for your new addition.” 

“Thank you Nicole. Is there anyway that I could take him with me for a few minutes, I just want to show him off to my new friends.” Clint said with a smile that if it was any bigger it wouldn’t fit on his face. 

“Of course Mr Parker. Just make sure you bring him back in a carseat because we cannot let you leave with him without one.” 

Clint nodded and left with the baby in his arms. His phone was ringing, but he didn’t have time or hands to pick it up. He knew it was either Fury or Natasha. He had the duffle bag thrown over his shoulder and was on his way back to Natasha’s room. He knew Fury had already known that he was adopting Peter because he sent him a text message saying that to have the adoption go through he had to legitify his and Natasha’s marriage certificate. He didn’t know the full story, but Clint could tell he wasn’t exactly on Fury’s good side at the moment. 

 

Natasha’s phone started ringing and she picked it up, she was met by a very unhappy Fury. 

“Natasha what the hell is Barton thinking?” 

“Yes I know Nick. I got stabbed, I told him I didn’t need to go to the hospital, but Clint said it was for the cover.” 

“At the moment I really don’t care about that. Where is Barton? I think he’s lost his damn mind.”

“I don’t know. I asked him if he could go back to the house to get me some clothes, he’s been gone for a while.”

“That mother fucker.”

“Nick?”

“Natasha…”

“Wait Nick he just walked in. Hold on.”

“Hey honey. How you feeling?” Clint asked keeping up the cover for the nurses who were listening in the hall. 

“Nick baby. Come here, what’s in your arms?” She asked keeping up the covering, but feeling very nervous as Fury’s cursing was muffled by the sheets. 

“Honey, you know how we wanted to adopt that baby boy before we moved here. And how the adoption fell through at the last second.” Clint said hinting at Natasha to keep up the cover and walking closer. 

“Of course baby. That’s why we moved out here. We wanted a fresh start.” Natasha lied perfectly as her look to Clint warned him to tell her what was going on right now.

“Well, you see. I got a little lost on my way back here and uh, well.” Clint walked closer and Natasha could make out the baby in his arms. 

“Meet our son.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Our what?” Natasha asked letting the cover drop entirely and not caring if the nurses were listening. 

“Baby, come on. I found out about him upstairs. Honey. He's perfect. He hasn't even cried. I've been with him for two hours. Honey, he's our second chance.” Clitn pleaded with Natasha with his eyes to keep up the cover. He told her they would talk when they left all with his eyes. They had a way of communicating with each other without saying a word that everyone thought they were telepathic. 

“I mean, how did you make this happen? This, this is amazing.” Natasha slipped back into her role, but her eyes said it was anything except amazing.

“I know that this is crazy and we didn’t plan for it, but there was a baby in the hospital. His mom gave him up, they don’t know about a dad. I know how much the adoption meant to you. I hated seeing you so sad after what happened, and I just did it. I didn’t tell you in case something happened, but it worked out. Now we have a son.” Clint said pleading with Natasha to keep up the cover with his eyes. Ensuring her that they would talk as soon as they got out of the hospital, all without saying a word. Everyone who saw them communicate like this, conveying whole conversations without saying a word, thought it was insane, thought they were telepathic, but Clint and Natasha weren’t telepathic, they just knew each other better than themselves. 

“Nick baby. You did this for me?” Natasha asked letting her voice slip back into the role, but her eyes still burned Clint for answers to her questions. 

“I would do anything for you Amanda.” Clint said with the sincerity of a married couple without having to fake any of it. Natasha was his best friend, his partner. He’d been all the way around the world with her, been by her side through her darkest times, she’d been by him through his. He loved her even if he didn’t know if it was romantically or platonically. 

“Is he. Is he officially ours?” Natasha let herself stutter as she heard the sincerity in Clint’s voice. She wasn’t happy with him, she wanted answers, but she knew she needed to wait, she held her feelings in and continued with the show.

“He’s officially ours. No one, and I mean no one can take him from us. He’s ours forever.” Clint let his eyes fall to the baby in his arms as he saw Natasha’s gaze, he knew she was upset and had no clue what was going on. He knew he needed to face her eventually, but he wanted to enjoy this moment right now. 

“Can I hold him?” She asked quietly. He looked at her in shock wondering if this was for the act or if she actually wanted to hold the little boy. Her eyes were hard, but there was something else in them. He couldn't explain it. He didn't know what was going through her brain, if she acting or sincere. For the first time in a long time he had no clue what Natasha meant. 

“Of course baby.” Clint brought the little boy over to her and placed him in her arms. He lingered long enough so that Natasha could whisper to him without someone overhearing. 

“Clint. What is going on?” She whispered as the baby got comfortable in Natasha’s arms. 

“It’s a long story, but I need to go and get a carseat so we can take him home. When I get back if you want to go we can.” He offered. 

“Go get the carseat. I’ll keep him with me.” Natasha said lettering her voice return to a normal level. 

“I love you.” Clint said kissing her on her cheek and turning to go, before he was out of the door he turned back to look at Natasha and the baby in her arms and smiled softly.

“Wait.” Natasha called out to him as he turned to go.

“Yeah baby?” He asked. 

“What’s his name?” 

“I don’t know yet. I guess we should start thinking of some options.” He chuckled and turned to leave. 

Natasha let her head fall back into the pillow as she realized what had just happened. She looked down at the baby in her arms and shook her head. 

“What the hell did you get us into this time Barton?” She asked him. In response the baby just snuggled closer. 

Natasha’s phone rang and she sorted through the blankets to find it. 

“Hello?” She asked as Fury’s voice came through the other end. 

 

“Clint walked through the door with a newborn carseat in one hand and a stack of papers in the other. When he opened the door to Natasha’s room he was shocked to find Natasha up and walking around with the baby in her arms. 

“Tilli Tilli Bom…” She sang to him. 

“Amanda?” He called out to her. 

The look she gave Clint threw daggers at him and he knew he was in trouble. 

“Amanda? You’re already up and walking, this is amazing!” He feigned surprise, trying to calm her down. 

“I have even more good news. The doctor said I can go home, because of how well I’m recovering, they’re finishing up the paperwork now.” Natasha kept her voice in cover but her face was nothing close to hiding what she was thinking. 

“That’s amazing!” He was internally dreading the conversation that was going to happen the moment they left the hospital.

A nurse came in behind him and walked over to Natasha. “Oh hello, you must be Mr. Parker, I was Amanda’s nurse, but now she is cleared to go home.” The young woman said introducing herself. 

“Well that’s fantastic.” Clint lied as he walked over to Natasha and kissed her on the cheek as they both fell back into character. 

“I also see you guys adopted the baby from upstairs. I can’t believe that you guys are willing to open up your home to a child that isn’t yours.” She smiled as she handed Natasha a pen and told her where to sign. 

Natasha always got touchy when the subject of adoption came up, and Clint knew she was going to say something to the nurse. 

“Why wouldn’t we open up ourselves to our son? We adopted him, that means he is ours whether we are related by blood or not.” Natasha snapped at the nurse and Clint braced himself. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that it was great that he was going to such a loving home. I apologize if I came off as rude, that was not my intention at all.” 

“It’s ok. I understand, me and Nick, just get people who don’t understand what it’s like to want to adopt a lot, and it’s difficult.” Natasha lied as she put the baby in the carseat to sign the paperwork. 

“I understand I couldn’t imagine what you went through.” The nurse hinted that her and Natasha had talked about the cover story he gave Natasha. Natasha only smiled as she handed the paperwork back to the nurse. 

“Is that all?” Natasha asked. 

“Yep, you guys are all good to go.” the nurse said taking the paperwork and handing Natasha her copy. 

Natasha grabbed the duffle bag Clint had brought, the baby's adoption paperwork and her release form. She grabbed Clint hand and they headed out of the hospital and into the car. 

Clint strapped the carseat into the base and closed the door. He got in the driver’s seat and Natasha got in the passenger seat. She hadn’t said anything and Clint was getting more and more anxious as the seconds passed. No one had said anything by the time that they had pulled out of the parking lot and Clint was the first to speak. 

“We need to stop by the store, well we need to stop by a lot of places. I only got the carseat while I was out. It took me a while to get it into the car.” Clint confessed. 

“Clint.” Natasha said as she turned around to look at the baby. 

“What are you going to say Natasha. Come on, I’ve been waiting for it. It can’t be any worse than what Fury had to say. I mean…”

“Clint. Stop.” Natasha shouted.

“What?” He said looking in the mirror. Trying to see what Natasha saw. 

“Pull over.” She ordered. 

Clint pulled over and Natasha got out and pulled the baby from the car seat. He was breathing heavy almost like he was crying but he wasn’t making any noise. When Natasha got him into her arms he started crying for the first time. Clint got out of the car and ran over. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Clint said looking at Natasha and the crying baby. 

“I don’t know. I heard his breathing get really heavy and he coughed. I thought he was choking on something.” Natasha said putting the baby on her shoulder and patting his back gently. 

“Oh my god.” Clint said going around to see if his lips were blue. 

“Clint. I think he’s ok. If he can cry he can breathe.” 

“Let me see him.” Clint said taking him from Natasha. Natasha handed him over and Clint held him in his arms. 

“Hey there little guy. You’re OK. There we go you’re OK.” Clint said as the baby stopped crying. 

Natasha looked on and smiled. Clint was going to be a good dad, he was always the one good with kids, Natasha tried her best, but she always stopped herself before she got too attached to a kid, or a kid got too attached to her at the orphanage. She went there to teach self defense classes. She didn’t want any of the kids to be bullied because they didn’t have parents. 

“You ride in the back with him. I’ll drive.” Natasha said getting in the driver’s side.

“Nat, are you kidding? You’ll kill us.” Clint shouted as the baby had finally calmed down. 

“I’ll be careful. Get in the car. We need to get supplies.” Natasha said starting the car again. 

Clint hesitated, Natasha drove like a Russian with nothing to lose, which was fine on missions, but not with a baby in the backseat. Clint decided it was better to sit with the baby than with Natasha driving than to risk him choking again. He owed Natasha for catching that he was having a hard time breathing. He was still shocked that Natasha hadn’t said anything to him yet. He thought maybe the idea of them having a kid together was growing on her, but he knew that was wishful thinking. 

Clint was surprised at how well Natasha was driving, he couldn’t believe that they had only gone over the speed limit once and they hadn’t even been close to being in an accident by the time that they parked. Clint took the carseat out of the car leaving the baby inside of it. Clint grabbed a basket for the nearby baby store and put the carseat into the cart. Natasha grabbed his hand and they went inside the store. It was late evening and the sun was setting as they walked through the store. 

“Clint. What do we need?” Natasha whispered truly confused as they went down the first aisle. 

“Well let’s start with the essentials, he needs clothes, diapers and food, we could get that at the store though. We also need a crib, formula, bottles, a stroller, a second carseat for the other car, we should probably get a baby gate, well maybe we can wait on that.” Clint said as a store employee came up to them. 

“Hi my name’s Evan. Is there anything I can help you guys with today?” He asked them. 

“Um yes actually. Me and my husband here just adopted. Can you point us in the direction of the strollers?” Natasha asked slipping back into her cover and trying to get the man to go away, even though they really did need help. 

“Oh yeah for sure. The strollers are on aisle 29. Right down that way.” he said pointing them in the right direction. 

The thanked him and followed in the direction where he pointed. Natasha held Clint's hand as he pushed the basket. 

“Clint. How are we going to make this work?” Natasha asked him quietly. 

“We'll talk when we get home. Let's just take it one step at a time for now.” He pushed the conversation away, he really didn't want to have the conversation but he knew they needed to. 

Natasha sighed but nodded, she figured right now wasn't the time or place to do this. “What's his name?” she asked. 

“Well I thought of some names, but I couldn't find one that seemed right. Did you think of anything?” 

“Clint he's your son. I. I'm not…” Natasha stuttered and looked at him for words. 

“Nat. What do you mean?” 

“I'm not cut out to be a mom Clint. This isn't my thing. Clint I'm not a mom.” 

Clint looked away from her. He knew this was going to happen, the fantasy land that he had created where him and Natasha raised the kid together disintegrated. He knew it was a longshot anyway. 

“Yeah no of course. This is for the mission and then if you don't want to, you won't see him again.” He lied hiding the heartbreak, he knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. It was an insane idea, him and Tasha weren't even together. 

“Well I don't know about that. Maybe he needs an aunt Nat in his life, someone to teach him how to break the rules and get away with it.” Natasha said with a shrug as she looked at the strollers and stopped at one. “How about this one? I could take him on runs with me in the morning while you're at work.” She proposed. 

Clint smiled again. At least he would still have Natasha in his life, and so would his son. “Yeah. I like it. Put it in the cart.” he said. 

“Did you adopt him under Parker or Barton?” Natasha asked him as they browsed the store, throwing things in occasionally. 

“Parker.” He called out turning down an aisle as Natasha browsed. 

“What about Peter? It flows nicely.” Natasha asked. 

“I like it. What about a middle name?” He asked as they joined back up at the baby clothes. 

“I don't know. Maybe you could name him after Phil?” She asked throwing in onesie after onesie. 

“How about I name him after you?” Clint asked quietly. 

“Clint I already told you, I'll be his mom for the mission, but anything more, I don't know. You know how dangerous it is. I don't want to hurt him, or I don't want to be the reason he gets hurt.” Natasha stopped and refused to look at Clint. She didn't want to be a mom, she couldn't in her line of work, it was too dangerous. Eventually someone, somewhere would find him and she couldn't take that risk. 

“I mean. I wouldn't be naming him after you as his mom. I would be naming him after you as my best friend. You have saved my ass a lot.” He chuckled trying to get her to look at him. 

“No Clint. I don't care. I don't want him named after me.” Natasha refused. 

“Why not? I mean come on Tasha. You're my best friend. If anything were to happen to me I'd want you to raise Peter.” 

“I don't care. We aren't having this discussion Clint. Nothing is going to happen to you. Ok? You and Peter or whatever you decide to name him are going to live happily ever after together. Ok?” Natasha nearly yelled. 

“Natasha I didn't mean that something was. I just meant…”

“Let's stop. We can talk about this later, let's just hurry up and finish so we can go home.” Natasha cut him off as she noticed other people looking at them. Clint nodded looking around at the others, they hadn't been arguing very loudly, but the store was very quiet. 

“We're taking announcement pictures right?” Natasha asked holding up a suit that looked exactly like the one Clint had brought on the mission, but was miniaturized so it would fit the baby. 

“We are totally getting that.” Clint smiled as he took the suit from Natasha's hands and put it into the cart. 

They got everything else they could need and by the time they got out of the store, the baby was fussing so Clint and Natasha went home without stopping at the other stores they needed to go to. 

Clint walked through the door first with Peter in the carrier. Nat followed behind with bags full of essentials that they would need for tonight. Clint took peter out of the carrier and held him in his arms. 

“It’s ok. Little guy. You’re ok. We’re home now. Shhhhh. Everything’s ok.” He whispered as he tried to calm the crying baby down. 

“Nat can you make him a bottle please. He hasn’t ate in a while.” Clint asked her without looking up. She was sitting at the kitchen table watching, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know her place, the baby was Clint’s son, for her he was just part of a cover, she didn’t want to overstep. 

Natasha nodded and went searching through the bags, after she found the formula she followed the instructions on the container and brought it over to Clint. When she handed the bottle over her hands were shaking and she walked away before Clint could comment on it. She got out the pacifiers and washed them. Pulled out the clothes and started a load of laundry, she did everything she could to avoid Clint and the baby. It was just sinking in for her, she legally had a child. She had to take care of him, but he was also Clint’s son, they weren’t married, they weren’t even together. He was her best friend, her mission partner and now they had a kid together. 

After a while Clint noticed Natasha was avoiding them, the baby was asleep so he called her over.

“Nat. What are you doing?” he called out to her because he couldn’t see her. 

“I’m getting the extra bedroom ready for when the crib comes tomorrow.” She shouted back. 

Clint got up from the couch and put the baby in the carrier. He walked to the room where he heard Natasha and saw her moving the furniture around. He walked over and helped her push the bed into the corner opposite that it was in. 

“Nat. What’s going on?” He asked her as she sat on the bed. 

Natasha sighed. “Clint what the hell are you thinking? What’s going on?” 

“Natasha…” He started but she cut him off.

“Clint do you know how dangerous this is. We have a kid together. We have a mission. We are still running missions, we have prices on our heads in seven different countries! I can’t do this. I can’t be a mom. You didn’t even talk to me, you didn’t ask me. What are we supposed to do when we have a mission? Clint we aren’t together. We aren’t married! We aren’t dating. You’re my best friend Clint and now all of a sudden we have a kid together. What am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do? What do we do when he’s old enough to go to school? What are we supposed to say at parent-teacher conferences? What if…” Natasha was cut off by Clint coming over and touching her hand. 

“I’m sorry Natasha. I should have told you. I should have talked to you. I didn’t think this through, I really didn’t. If you don’t want to be a part of his life I understand. He isn’t your responsibility, he’s mine. After this mission, you can leave and I’ll change the adoption papers. When we leave, he’ll be what? Nine months maybe. There’s no way he’ll remember you being his mom. You can leave and it will be like it never happened.” Clint tried to sooth her, but it only upset her more. 

“You don’t understand Clint so please stop. If I leave, he won’t remember, but I will, you will. Fury, Maria, Coulson will. I’ll be no better than the monster they made me to be. It will mean that there’s no escaping my fate. And if I stay, and I actually am his mom, that means, they could find him, they could take him and it’d be all my fault. I would be responsible for his death, I will have killed my son.” Natasha said as a stray tear fell from her eye. She didn’t want to show emotion, she didn’t show emotion, but her body wouldn’t cooperate with her brain that was telling her not to feel. 

“Natasha?” He asked her, he wanted to know everything, every single thing that was running through her head. Natasha was his best friend, his everything, before he had the baby. 

“Where I was raised. Where they trained me. They torture and manipulate the girls, they torture all of us and the ones who don’t make it die, and the ones who survive compete against each other. We fight to the death to survive and when the pool has dwindled enough and they feel they have trained us enough, they pick one of us to graduate.” 

“Natasha I know that wasn’t easy on you and I’m…” 

“Clint please let me finish.” She cut him off once enough of the nightmare stopped replaying in her head that she could catch her breath.

“The graduation ceremony isn’t like it is here in America, or even where they send you out on a solo mission for the first time. They sterilize you so you can’t have kids, so I can’t have kids. The logic makes sense, it’s one less thing to worry about on a mission. It’s the only thing that could potentially mean more than a mission, so they eliminated it. They eliminate all potential threats.” She whispered. 

Clint closed his eyes and cursed himself for interrupting, for thinking that whatever he said would make up for the horrors that Natasha had lived through. After a while and he was sure Natasha was done he spoke up quietly.

“Natasha…”

Natasha stood up and pulled her hand away from his, she left him sitting on the bed by himself. Natasha grabbed her phone and keys off of the counter and walked out of the house. Clint followed her. 

“Natasha! Natasha! Please wait! Tasha!” He called after her, but she was already pulling her car out of the driveway and was driving off. 

The baby was crying after he had been woken up by his yelling. Clint didn’t know if Natasha was ever going to come back, was ever going to talk to him again as he walked over and picked up the baby, trying to put him back to sleep. As he rocked the baby, he just hoped that Natasha would be safe. He looked at the clock and it read 10:30. 

“It’s ok Peter. We’re going to be ok.” 

Peter eventually fell back asleep after Clint changed his diaper and clothes into something more comfortable than the hospital onesie. He wrapped him up in a new blanket and laid him down in his bed. Clint sat on the edge of the bed while Peter slept and texted Fury hoping he would have some update about Natasha. Fury refused to tell Clint anything do after a while he just gave up and called Natasha himself. 

When she didn’t pick up Clint left her a voicemail. “Hey Nat. It’s me, Clint. Look I’m sorry. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I should have talked to you. Please call me back and let me know that you’re safe.” Clint hung up the phone and waited. He heard the door opening at three and grabbed the gun off of his bedside table just in case it wasn’t Natasha. 

He made his way down the stairs, saw that it was Natasha, and put his gun in his waistband. He didn’t say anything as she set her keys down. He stood next to the couch awkwardly as he waited for Natasha to say something first. 

“I’m not going to be your kid’s mom. This is for the mission and nothing more. When we get back to base I’m leaving immediately for my next mission. It’s solo, no contact, deep cover in Japan.” Natasha said looking Clint in the eye and shutting him off completely. He couldn't read her, he had no idea what she was thinking, what was going through her head, she might as well have been on another planet for all that he knew. 

“Natasha.” He starts, but she already turned to go to her bedroom on the first floor. 

“Goodnight Clint. You have work in the morning.” She said as she opened the door to her room and closed it with a finality.


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha didn’t sleep that night, neither did Clint. After Natasha got home Clint went to his bedroom and Peter almost immediately started crying, he was up for the rest of the night taking care of him. Natasha sat in her room isolating herself from everything, preparing herself for in the morning. She made a schedule she would follow with the baby, a script almost. 

Every moment of her day was planned. When before Clint left for work at 8:00 she would go on a run, come home and take a shower, at 7:30 she would get the very basic amount of information that she would need from Clint to take care of the baby for the rest of the day until Clint got home at 5:30. At 9:00 she would feed him and put him in the stroller taking him out for a walk and showing him off to the neighbors, making their cover seem more believable. When they got home Natasha would feed him again and put him down for a nap. When he woke Natasha would read to him, from what she had heard from Fury and Maria it was good for his development. Other than that she could fill in the details as the day progressed, but she needed to know what she was doing, she needed to have a plan, something to follow, this was unchartered territory for her. 

At 6:00 Natasha left on her run, she didn’t say goodbye to Clint, he hardly noticed her leaving, he had his hands full with getting ready for work and taking care of Peter. It was a cold morning and Natasha could see her breath as she ran, the cold never bothered her, being Russian contributed to that, being forced to sleep in the frozen Russian winters in a tank top and shorts as a punishment didn’t hurt either. 

Natasha tried to run away from the memories, from the torture, from the horror. She was doing better before Clint brought the baby home, before they came on this mission, before she started pretending to be something she knew she could never be. Natasha knew she could never be a mom, never be a housewife, and she didn’t want to be. She couldn’t be tied down, it wasn’t safe. She thought she had gotten far enough away from them, she thought she had finally left that life behind, but she knew. She knew in her heart she could never truly escape it, she could never live away from them, she couldn’t escape the missions, the death, the red in her ledger the blood on her hands, it was all too much and she knew it. 

By the time Natasha was seeing red and tears were running down her face, not just from the wind, but from the panic that she had worked herself into, her stitches were torn and he leg had started bleeding, from the looks of it she had gone two miles without noticing. It was now 6:15. She figured if she headed back now she would have time to shower and stitch herself up before Clint left for work or even noticed anything was wrong. She turned around and finished her run with blood being concealed by her black leggings. She noticed the neighbors watching, one in particular watched her from his porch as he brought in the morning paper. 

He was the target that S.H.I.E.L.D had sent them to monitor. He worked with Clint, he was one of the higher ups at the company Clint was supposed to be working for, the company was just a cover for a drug and weapons trafficking business. Fury wanted Clint to infiltrate the business from the inside, and he wanted Natasha to corrupt him, use her beauty against him, rumor had it that he had a thing for pretty women who were taken. Using both of them they could systematically end part of the global weapons trade and make the world a safer place. 

Natasha showed off for him, even gave him a little wave. She watched him undress her with his eyes, he took in every inch of her body, every curve, every detail about her. She was used to the stares, it's what she was trained for, using her body to get what she wanted, every man she met did it, everyone except for Clint, that's what made him different, he never cared for her body in that way, never expected it. That's what made Clint so special to her, he was her best friend, he didn't judge her, but he cared about her, always had her back. 

After Natasha felt like he had seen enough she sauntered inside and was met with Clint in the kitchen eating breakfast and Peter was in his carseat peacefully watching him. 

“You see Peter if you put too much milk in it gets soggy then it's just gross, if you don't put enough in it's too dry and starts tasting like pure sugar, which isn't as great as it sounds, trust me.” Clint explained to the baby who was staring back up at him with wide eyes. 

Natasha didn't watch long, Clint didn't even notice her make her way into her room. She thought it was better this way, if she wasn't in both of their lives, Peter wouldn't get attached and it would be easier for everyone when she left. She couldn't hurt him or Clint if she wasn't in their lives. She started the shower and took off her pants, pulling out the first aid kit she had stashed in one of the drawers and restitching her wound. When she felt they wouldn't come undone while she showered, she closed the kit and stepped in the shower, letting the warm water rush over her. 

She let the water wash away the blood, the pain, the thoughts, the memories. Everything. By the time she stepped out of the shower her body was buzzing from the run and her brain was almost quiet. She braided her hair quickly and got dressed, she stepped out of her room at 7:55 to meet Clint. 

“Good morning.” Natasha said as Clint was grabbing his suit jacket and briefcase. 

“Morning Natasha.” He said awkwardly stopping what he was doing to look at her. 

“What is the baby’s name?” She asked quietly. 

Clint snapped out of his stupor of trying to read her and got down to business, he noticed her leg was a tad bit swollen and Clint assumed that she had ripped her stitches on her run, he always noticed the minute details about Natasha’s presence, something no one else bothered to do with her.

“Oh right. His name’s Peter Parker, the formula is on the counter and you know how to make it, I have diapers upstairs and I also got a diaper bag ready for you, it’s right here.” Clint said holding it up so she could see it and then putting it back down. “A lot of his clothes are washed and upstairs, I got the stroller out for you, that’s all set up in the garage. Am I forgetting anything?”

“No I think that’s all. If I need anything I’ll call.” Natasha said shortly looking at Peter who was in the carrier. 

“Natasha. About last night.” Clint started but was cut off by Natasha.

“Do we have anything for him to be in other than the carseat?” She asked, trying to distract him. 

“Yeah, we have the baby swing, but it isn’t built yet, normally parents hold their kids a lot, it helps them calm down a lot, plus I mean there is usually a crib. That’s on the way it’s getting delivered after I get home from work.” Clint explained. 

“So I’m supposed to hold him when he gets fussy?” She asked. 

“Typically yes, he calms down a lot when you hold him, but I mean we, I mean I, have only been with him for like a total of a day so I’m not exactly sure about his quirks yet. When I get home I plan to spend as much time with him as I can so hopefully that will help.” 

“OK.” Natasha nodded. They stood awkwardly in silence for a few minutes as Clint decided if he wanted to say anything or not. Natasha didn’t mind it, it was better than him asking her questions. 

“Natasha.”

“You should get going Clint, I don’t want you to be late for work.” Natasha said stopping him before he could even start. 

“Yeah. OK. You’re right.” He said picking up his jacket and going over to Peter.

“Hey Petey. I’m leaving for work now. I’ll see you when I get home. Be good for Nat. I love you.” He whispered to him kissing him on the forehead. 

“I’m only a phone call away if you need me Nat.” Clint said looking at her one last time and closing the door on his way out. 

Natasha sighed and looked around, peter was sleeping and seemed comfortable in his spot on the couch so Natasha left him there and started tidying up the house a bit, throwing out some of the boxes, straightening up the counters and such. After she finished she sat down next to Peter and looked at him. 

She looked at his hair, his face, his onesie that said, ‘I’m adorable’, that was picked out by Clint yesterday. When she finished examining him she sat quietly, she was now responsible for him until Clint got home, she knew what she needed to do, she had her plans all laid out in her head, but when she looked at Peter her brain couldn’t help but think about everything the Red Room put her through, everything she tried not to think about. She knew that she wasn’t this kid’s mom and she never would be, but all she could think about were the nights she spent locked away in the punishment room alone, scared and in pain when she had made a mistake when she was four and she knew that no matter what she would never submit Peter to anything close to that, that she would try and give him the best life she could while she had him for the eight hours Clint was at work. She promised herself that no matter what she would at least pretend to be good at pretending to be a mom no matter how scared it made her, or how bad the consequences could be. She would do her best to help Clint out and make his life as easy as possible on this mission and as soon as it was over she would be on her way to Japan. 

 

“Director Fury, you called me?” Maria Hill poked her head into Nicky Fury’s office at S.H.I.E.L.D’s home base. 

“Yes Maria, come on in.” He offered as he sat at his desk contemplating making a call. 

“Sir, if this is about my last mission, I should give you the entire story before you decide on disciplinary action.” Maria tried to explain to the man she considered to be her mentor. 

“Maria. Stop, I’ve known you since you were five, any actions you took that you deemed necessary I believe they were. I trust you Maria, you wouldn’t have been promoted without me doing so. I didn’t call you in here about that.” 

“Sir?” 

“I called you in here about Natasha, I assume you have heard about the change in the circumstances of her mission?” He asked her knowing how close the two of them were. 

“Yes sir, I know about the little boy and her impending travel plans to Japan after the termination of her current mission. Is there anything else I should know about?” 

“Well that certainly puts it nicely, do you know about her past?” 

“I know an extent of it, she’s told me some of it, others I found out through listening to her screams during her nightmares on missions. She’s had a hard past and this is a very tough situation that she has been put into.” Maria confessed, sitting down across from him at his desk. 

Fury sighed and stood looking out of his window. “I’m going to need you to be ready to take her mission in Japan if something comes up between now and then.” 

“Yes sir.” Maria said standing to leave.

“And Maria, this stays between you and me.” He said to her before she turned to walk out of the door. 

“Of course sir.” She said turning away from him.

SHe opened the door and Fury called out to her one last time. “Maria. How long until she calls one of us asking for help?” 

“I give her at least a day. I have faith in Romanoff.” She chuckled. 

Fury nodded and smiled back and she closed the door. Fury shook his head and dialed the phone. 

“Hello Director Carter, it’s been a few days, you’ll never guess what Barton did this time.” 

 

Clint sat at his desk at work, organizing a shipment for the cover company that S.H.I.E.L.D wanted him to infiltrate, the entire reason that he was on the mission, the entire reason why he had Peter. He wondered what he was doing right then, how Natasha was handling it, how she was doing, how Peter was doing, as he mindlessly did work he thought about the two most important people in his life in his opinion, Peter and Natasha. 

As he was daydreaming his phone rang and he picked it up, in the few seconds it took to put the phone up to his ear he was dreading if something had happened to Peter while he was at work and if it was Natasha calling to tell him the bad news. 

“Hello?” He asked quietly. 

“Clinton Francis Barton! What in the actual hell are you thinking?” A familiar british voice screamed at him, he could tell it had aged from the time he had first heard it, but he still loved the sound of it, well except for when it was yelling at him. 

“Hi Aunt Peg.” He said sheepishly.

“Oh don’t you hi Aunt Peg me! What could you possibly be thinking?” She yelled.

“Well you’ve got to be a bit more specific, I did wear a brown belt with black shoes today.” He lied trying to distract and calm her, he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“Clinton! Don’t you sass me! What were you thinking adopting a child? You can’t take care of him, you’re on a mission, and to think I finally thought you had gotten some common sense knocked into you. You left this responsibility up to Natasha! Natasha of all people! I love that woman to death, but she has no clue how to care for a child. Well no he’s not even a child, he is a newborn! A newborn for christ sake Clint! What on god’s green earth were you thinking?” 

As he listened to her yelling he winced, he knew there was no easy way out of this one. 

“Aunt Peggy please. I couldn’t do it.” He confessed. 

“You couldn’t do what? You obviously adopted him and made yours and Natasha’s marriage certificate legal while you were at it.”

“Peg, I couldn’t see him go through what I went through. You don’t know what we’ve been through here, I can’t tell you because I’m working, but ask Nick to tell you about this town. I saw him and I couldn’t do it. He’s so sweet and when you look into his eyes all you can see is this loneliness, this pain of abandonment. Peggy I see myself in him and he’s only two weeks old, it wasn’t fair so I decided to make a different call, give him a home, a family, a real stable life, what you and Coulson gave me when I first came home.” He spoke in code to her to keep his coworkers from listening in his conversation. 

“Does Natasha know?” She asked him quietly after already getting every detail she could out of Fury. 

“No and she can’t know. Amanda wouldn’t be able to handle it.” He said using Natasha’s mission name and looking at the framed picture of her that was on his desk. 

Peggy finally let the last of her anger deflate as she realized just how bad the situation was on the ground, how bad of a place the world had become, how important the success of the mission really was. 

“How’s Natasha holding up?” 

Clint sighed, he didn’t want to tell her what had happened, what was going on between the two of them, he had just gotten her to calm down, he didn’t want to rile her up again. 

After Peggy thought she had waited long enough for a response she finally said something. “Clint. What is going on?” 

“We got into an argument. I didn’t talk to her about adopting Peter like I should have. She told me some things and I reacted badly. She hasn’t talked to me, I’ve barely seen her, she went running this morning and busted her stitches. She hasn’t slept, she won’t even look at me. I messed up Peggy. I messed up really bad.” He confessed quietly, he looked away from the picture of Natasha and made himself small.

“Oh Clint. What happened? What did she tell you?” 

“She told me about her dad, about what he did to her when she graduated. I messed up. I messed up really bad Peggy. I don’t know if she’s ever going to talk to me again.” Clint said replacing the Red Room with Natasha’s imaginary dad so if anyone was eavesdropping it wouldn’t sound suspicious. 

“Clint. What were you doing?’

“I don’t know Peggy, I really don’t know.” 

“Clint. Do you love her?” 

“Peggy she’s my best friend and my wife, of course I love her.” He exaggerated. 

“Clint drop the cover. Don’t bullshit me as you like to say.” 

“She’s my best friend. I would do anything for her, I’ve got her back and she’s got mine. So yeah I guess I love her.” He whispered. 

“Then you need to fix this, you need to find a way to work this out before this damage is irreparable. You need to talk to her.” 

“Peggy you don’t understand. I don’t think I can fix this. Natasha needs time, she needs to adjust to this before I can even think about talking to her. This is going to take more than just a sit down.”

“Fine, then I’m coming over and fixing this. If you truly want to give this child a stable life and upbringing, he can’t be raised with someone who only pretends to be his mother half of the time, he also can’t have two parents who never talk to one another because of a mistake made years ago. As soon as I can get back from London I will be over to fix this.”

“No Peggy please, please listen to me. This needs time, I need time, Natasha needs time, we at least need an adjustment period, please?” he begged

“Fine, after my vacation home ends in a month I will be there an hour after my plane lands.” She agreed. 

“No Peggy we need more time than that please, at least give us two months, take a stop to visit France, I know how much you love it there.” 

“Clint. You said it yourself, saving Natasha was one of the best things you ever did. Do you really want to wait two months to save your friendship, if it isn’t already fixed? Do you really think that doing that will ever put your relationship back at the status that it was?” 

“Peggy…”

“How about I give you a month and a half? I want to visit my grandchild anyway. What’s his name?” She distracted. 

“Uh Peter. Peter Nathaniel Parker.”

“Oh. I would assume Natasha doesn’t know about that either?” 

“No. No she doesn’t. Tonight I’m telling her his middle name is Nicholas. I asked her about it before and she refused, I figure this way everyone wins.” 

“So by lying to her you expect to fix things with her?” She asked sarcastically. 

“Well when you put it…”

“I’ll see you in a month and a half Clinton. Tell Natasha and the grandchild I say hello.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Shhhhh. Peter, you're ok. It's ok, Clint’s not here ok. I've got you, you're ok.” Natasha whispered to the crying baby in her arms. It had been two hours since Clint left and Peter had just woken up crying. 

Natasha held him as she walked to the kitchen and made him a bottle. When it was ready she walked back over to the couch. She tried to feed him, but he refused to eat, he just kept crying. After five minutes she gave up and walked with him in her arms, rocking him as she went. 

“Hey Peter you’ve got to calm down little guy. You’re stuck with me for the whole day until Clint gets home so we need to figure out a way to make this work.” Natasha tried to reason with him. He calmed slightly when he heard her voice, but when she stopped talking he cried even louder. 

After a few minutes Natasha remembered that when she sang to him in the hospital he calmed down. 

“Tili tili bom” Natasha started and his crying almost immediately stopped. Natasha continued the whole the whole song and both of them started to relax with one another. 

Natasha didn’t sing much, but she had a beautiful voice, Clint told people that her voice was like a stream running through the woods on a spring morning. It was soft, but unmistakably her. She never sang Russian lullabies, they reminded her too much of her past, the only time she made an exception to the rule was when Clint was in a coma two years ago. He had always loved when she sang them since, anytime he was hurt he would find her singing next to him when he woke up in the hospital. 

“There you go Peter.” She said when he had finally calmed down enough to take his bottle. 

When Natasha finished feeding and burping him she realized that he needed a diaper change and she also realized that she had no clue how to change a diaper. She opened the diaper bag and took out a diaper, she opened it, attempted to close it and realized she had no clue what she was doing. She weighed her options, Peter was fussing in his car seat, she had no clue what she was doing, she couldn’t call Maria, she was working and would have no clue either. Fury wasn’t an option for obvious reasons, she refused to talk to Clint and therefore Coulson was out of the picture as well. 

Natasha sighed and grabbed the phone off of the kitchen counter and dialed the british phone number that was stuck to the fridge, along with the rest of their friends phone numbers. 

“Hello?” The British voice asked.

“Hello Ms. Peggy.” Natasha sighed into phone as Peter started crying again. 

“Natasha, it’s good to hear from you love. Is everything ok?” She asked hearing Peter in the background. 

“Agent Barton and I are on a mission and Agent Barton decided to adopt a child.”

“Yes dear, your father has made me aware of the situation.” Peggy chuckled.

“Ms. Peggy, Nick isn’t my father.” Natasha reasoned, putting the phone on speaker and picking up Peter.

“Then I must not have been the director of S.H.I.E.L.D dear, he treats both you and Maria like his daughters and you know it. Natasha is the baby ok? He hasn’t stopped crying since you called.”

“Yeah no. He’s ok. I think. I mean. I just.”

“Natasha dear slow down. It’s ok. He’s obviously breathing. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Peggy. I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I’ve never been in charge of a child before and I have no clue what to do. I don’t even know how to change a diaper, and now I this kid relies on me for everything. Peggy I don’t know what to do.” 

“It’s ok Natasha. I’ll walk you through it. Do you have a diaper in you hand?” 

 

“Nick! My office now!” Clint’s boss shouted over all of the cubicles to call him out. Clint didn’t mind being chewed out, he was used to it at this point with Fury, but he didn’t want all of his coworkers looking at him. He didn’t want to be able to be identified if anything happened. 

Clint scrambled to his boss’ office with his head down. When he entered the boss closed the door behind him. 

“So Nick. You’ve been working at my office for a month now, right?” The boss asked putting his feet up on his desk and lighting his cigar. 

“Yes sir.” 

“You’ve done some good work for me, you live down the street from me. You’re a good guy. How about I meet your wife officially and take you two out for dinner at the end of this week. I like to make my employees that are special to me feel like family.” 

“Mr. Bradley, you really don’t have to, me and Amanda would hate to impose.” Clint feigned, dropping Natasha’s cover name knowing that would peak his interest. 

“Please Nick, I insist. I’ve met your wife in passing and I would love to get to know you two more. You seem like a lovely couple.” Mr. Bradley pushed while daydreaming about Natasha, Clint saw the distracted look in his eyes, and could practically see Natasha’s body in his eyes. 

Clint knew that it was for the mission that this was her mission, but it didn’t make his blood boil any less, it didn’t make him want to punch him in the face any less. Clint swallowed his hatred for the man in front of him and focused on the mission so that he could get home to Peter and Natasha. 

“Well Mr. Bradley that sounds quite nice then, what day were you thinking?”

“Well how about Friday at eight? Unless your in-laws are coming to visit. I heard you get chewed out by someone on the phone and figured it was your mother-in-law.” Mr. Bradley hinted at him and Natasha’s “marital problems” which only infuriated Clint even more. 

“No Mr. Bradley. I think Friday will do just fine.” 

“Well perfect. I will be looking forward to that. Now down to the real reason I called you in. I want to know if I can trust you Nick.” 

“Well sir. I've done some good work for other companies like yours, I've never had a single complaint about me from what I know.” Clint chuckled. 

“No. I understand all of that, but I need to know if I can trust you. So go on, tell me everything about yourself.” 

 

“There you go Peter. Let's go on a walk.” Natasha soothed locking the carseat into to the stroller. 

Natasha had calmed down after talking to Peggy, she had walked her through everything, let her talk freely about her situation, it was everything that Natasha needed to get through the day. 

Natasha closed the door and gave Peter a pacifier, Natasha needed the fresh air and Peggy told her that it would be good for him too so on the walk they went. Natasha let herself wander exploring the neighborhood and every possible escape route they could take, or any potential entrance ways. Giving herself a task helped to keep her calm it always did and with Peter sleeping she was free to focus on other things. By the time that Natasha felt she had thoroughly explored there was three hours left until Clint got home and she wanted to try and get the baby swing set up before then so she headed back to the house. 

Natasha saw one of their neighbors come out of their house as they walked past and the neighbor called out to her. 

“Hey! Amanda right?” The bright middle aged woman asked walking over to her. 

“Yeah, Jill right?” Natasha asked like a question, but knew the answer she'd done all the research on every one of the neighbors she could and happened to know that this particular neighbor's second grade teacher was named Ms. Stevens. 

“Is this your son?” She asked pointing to the stroller. “You guys were expecting?” She looked Natasha up and down wondering how she could look that good and just have had a baby. 

“No no. Me and my hubby Nick adopted this little cutie. His name is Peter.” Natasha smiled and touched Peter's cheek. 

“Aww that's so sweet. Why didn't you two choose to have your own kids?” She asked nosily, she was one of those people who thought having a biological child was better than an adopted one. 

“We both decided we wanted to adopt, there are so many unwanted kids out there that we decided to make at least one of them wanted in out home.” Natasha lied, she'd been thinking of a cover for Peter since they had gotten him, she would have to tell Clint about that when he got home. 

“That is so cute, you two are such an adorable couple. I’m so glad to have another mom on the block to talk to, but you always seem so busy, and now that you have a new baby that isn’t going to change. Maybe we should meet up for lunch sometime.” The woman gabbed, Natasha wasn’t paying attention, she didn’t like the woman, she found her to be quite annoying and nosey. As she went on, Peter fussed a bit and Natasha used that as an excuse to leave the conversation. 

“Oh my god Jill I’m so sorry, but I need to go. I just remembered I still need to schedule Peter’s first doctor appointment, I’m so sorry, I’ll talk to you later.” Natasha said as she walked away from the woman. 

“Oh, yeah of course. I know the stress of being a mom, the kids always come first. See you later!” She said cheerfully and walked away. 

Natasha finished the walk to the house and was more and more irked by the woman with every step. This woman could not possibly know what Natasha was going through, she wasn't a mom. She wasn’t Peter’s mom, she kept telling herself that as she walked in and set Peter’s carseat on the couch and putting the stroller in the garage. While she was in the garage she got out the baby swing that was still in the box and brought it inside. 

Peter relaxed as she built the swing, the assembly wasn’t difficult, but her hands kept shaking every time she went to finish putting the swing together. She tried to ignore it, but after a few minutes she was frustrated with herself. She could build and disarm bombs with nothing but a paperclip and wire cutters in pitch black darkness with her hands tied behind her back. She could keep her hands steady as she was poised over the roof of a fifty story building using a sniper rifle to take out a target a block away. She could keep her cool when she was in a room full of men stronger than her and all pointing guns at her head, but she couldn’t put together a baby swing. The Red Room had trained her to do everything except for care for a child, it was the one thing they made sure she couldn’t do and now she was here. Sitting across from who was considered her son, at least in the eyes of the legal system anyways. 

Natasha put the swing together eventually, got the house cleaned up and fed Peter again as well. She had almost everything ready to make life easier for Clint when he got home which was supposed to be in half an hour. As she relaxed on the couch with Peter sleeping in the swing she waited for Clint to get home, and she waited and she waited, and she waited. After two hours the delivery men came with the crib, but Clint still wasn’t home. She told them where to put it, got it all set up for Peter but sheets on his mattress and even a stuffed animal in the crib for when he would sleep in it later that night. After three hours of waiting, four phone calls to Clint’s office phone with no answer, and two to the emergency phone he was supposed to have on him at all times she called Fury and he picked up on the first ring. 

“Hello Agent Romanoff, how’s the kid?” He asked her kindly, he knew she wasn’t handling this well and needed to be cut some slack. 

“Peter’s fine, I’m fine. Clint was supposed to be home almost four hours ago and he isn’t picking up any of the phones, have you heard from him?” She asked him directly. 

“No. The last thing I heard from him was he was going into a meeting with his boss, but his cover wasn’t blown and he had started to infiltrate, but that was oh say six hours ago.” Fury said looking at the last communications he had from Barton on the computer. 

“Ok, well, I guess I’ll just wait for him to come home.” Natasha sighed looking at Peter. 

“Natasha. I’ll try and get a hold of Clint for you. I know this isn’t exactly your forte.” 

“My forte is whatever the mission needs me to be. I’m comfortable with everything.” She defended putting up her walls. 

“I know you are. I’ll see if I can find Barton.” He said with a chuckle and hung up the phone. 

Natasha sighed and looked out of the window, the sun was setting and it was getting late, she hadn’t eaten that day or the day before and knew she needed to have something. She found the number for the takeout place down the street and in twenty minutes her food was to her. She sat on the couch and watched Peter, she didn’t have much else to do, she was caught up on paperwork, and couldn’t do much for the mission. 

About an hour later Peter started crying and Natasha took care of him, when she got him to calm down enough she put him in the crib for bed. It was another three hours until Clint stumbled in the door smelling like alcohol and making enough noise to wake Peter up again. 

“Hey Tasha!” He said when he walked through the door. 

Natasha only glared at him and went upstairs to take care of Peter. 

“Natasha! Natasha where are you going?” He asked following her up the stairs. He was steady on his feet and she could tell he wasn’t drunk, but he had obviously had a few drinks.

“Shut up. You woke Peter.” She said picking up Peter from the crib. 

“Shit.” Clint mumbled.

“Let me have him Tash. I’ve got him, you had him all day and I completely forgot about the crib and I got carried away with the mission.” He tried to explain, but Natasha was still glaring at him. 

“Go shower and get yourself together. I’ve had him all day, another thirty minutes isn’t going to hurt.” She sighed. She didn’t want to talk to Clint at the moment and him doing this made her want to see him even less. 

“Tasha. I promise, I was working, I got into the behind the scenes business. I was out with the boss and a few of his goons to celebrate, I only drank because I had to.” 

“Ok.” She said nearly ignoring him, she hardly did it, but she was fed up with Clint, she knew that him adopting Peter would cause them problems and so far that was all it had done and she was furious with him. 

Clint winced and walked to the shower. Trying to clear his head, and get into the right frame of mind to talk to Natasha and take care of Peter. He knew he screwed up and by doing what he did tonight he only compounded it even more. 

He walked out of the shower and found Peter sleeping peacefully in his crib again and Natasha in her room with the door closed. He went up to the door and gently knocked. 

“Hey Tash. Can we talk?” He asked her through the door. 

He heard her footsteps on the other side of it as she walked up and opened the door. Natasha sat back down on her bed and grabbed the whiskey glass off of her bedside table. 

“Natasha I’m sorry. I messed up big time and I keep messing up, but you somehow keep finding ways to bail me out, especially today and especially with Peter. Thank you for taking care of him today, I know I said I would be home, but I had an opportunity with the mission so I took it and I didn’t think about the consequences, and I haven’t thought about the consequences a lot lately, and you’re the one who has to deal with it and I’m sorry for that.” 

“Part of the job Clint. You knew that when you took the job, and you knew that when you adopted Peter. You just never realized how the two would interact together.” She said taking a drink and then refilling her glass. 

“No. No I didn’t, but you’ve been there for me and I’m so happy you’re the one here with me on this mission instead of Maria.” 

“I’m glad I can support you.” Natasha sassed and rolled her eyes, she was done with this conversation and wanted it to be finished as soon as possible.

“Natasha can we talk about yesterday?” He asked quietly. 

“Not unless it’s something about the mission.” 

Clint sighed, he knew she needed time to cool off, especially after what he pulled tonight. 

“While the boss was drunk off his ass I went in and got a few files off of his computer. I’ll have them to you tomorrow. I learned a bit more about the guy, he’s pretty terrible, a real asshole…” 

“Like you aren’t?” Natasha asked him unexpectedly and he was caught off guard by her remark. 

“I deserved that one. The target is dangerous Tasha. I just want you to be safe, he’s very rough with women and has a history of buried police reports with them.” 

“I can handle myself.” 

“I know, but still Tash. I care about you.” 

“Is that all you needed to tell me about the mission?” Natasha asked him signalling him to get out.” 

“We have a dinner with the boss on Friday that we need to go to.” He nearly whispered. 

“What about Peter?” Natasha asked annoyed. 

“Don’t worry about it. I have a sitter.” He smirked.


	5. Chapter 5

“Natasha. Do you know where… Nevermind I found it.” Clint called to her from upstairs, they still weren’t talking, but they both knew they had a mission tonight and needed to figure out a way to work together for it. 

Natasha was downstairs in her bathroom getting ready, she rolled her eyes in annoyance at Clint and continued to straighten her hair. She heard Peter crying from the living room, but left it up to Clint to take care of him, whenever he was home it was his responsibility to take care of Peter. Natasha finished her routine of getting ready and put on her tight black dress that she knew would make the target drool. She grabbed her handbag off of her nightstand and walked into the living room to find Clint feeding Peter. 

“You look nice.” Clint said with a smile looking at Natasha, he was still trying to get back on her good side. 

“Where’s Peter’s sitter, we need to be leaving in no more than 30 minutes.” Natasha asked grabbing her earrings from the kitchen counter, and ignoring Clint’s statement. 

“Natasha, you can’t do this forever, you can’t ignore me forever. Tell me what I can do to make this right, please?” Clint nearly begged, he was tired of not having his best friend around and he missed her more than anything, it was like they were thousands of miles apart even when they lived in the same house. 

“I’m not doing this right now.” 

“Natasha. Please, what do I need to do?” He egged her on, after setting Peter down in the baby swing.

“I don’t know Clint. I don’t want to talk about this, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t even want to be on this mission.” She nearly yelled, she hadn’t slept since Clint had brought Peter home, it wasn’t because he cried at night, she just couldn’t get the nightmares to stop, and had reached her breaking point. 

“Natasha, just listen to me, hear me out. I don’t know what my life is going to look like after this mission, hell I don’t even know what my life is going to look like in a month, so just yell, scream, do whatever you need to do, because they only thing I know I need in my life is you and Peter. I’m never going to let you go, I’m never going to leave you Tasha, so please at least say something that tells me your going to be there for me. Please.” 

“I’m not going to fight in front of Peter.” Natasha whispered walking away 

“Natasha. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean. Natasha I messed up. I messed up ok. I was wrong! Is that what you want. I didn’t think anything through. I’m sorry.” He went through everything that could usually get Natasha to smile at him after he messed up but it did nothing she was still as cold as ice towards him as she turned around. 

“Damn right you didn’t think anything through. What are you supposed to do when this mission ends and you get reassigned? What are you going to do with Peter then? What are you going to do when I can’t save your ass because you went and got drunk and I’m not at home to watch Peter? What are you going to do then? How are we supposed to be mission partners now? Are we even going to be partners anymore?” Natasha kept her volume under control, but Clint could feel the emotion and hurt behind her words. 

“Natasha listen to me. We need to talk about this, we need to sit down and lay it all out, because I don’t know, I really don’t” 

“And what exactly is this? This? Us? Your my partner and now all of a sudden you’re acting like we’re married, or we’re dating and it isn’t just for the mission. S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t allow couples to be partners! You know this! You’re willing to risk everything that we have over what? A couple of kisses? We are friends Clint! Everything we have is based around missions and how much we trust each other. You destroyed that! You took away the only thing that I knew I could count on!” 

“What do you want this to be Natasha? How do you want me to fix this? Do you want there to be an us? Tell me what’s going through that beautiful brain of yours because you haven’t even looked at me in a week! Natasha I need you! I need you more than you know!”

Natasha didn’t get a chance to answer, she just stood there looking at Clint while someone knocked on the door. He stared back at her begging for an answer before turning and going to answer the door. He didn’t know what Natasha meant, what she wanted, he didn’t even know what he meant. There was just something about Natasha being mad at him that he couldn’t handle that made him want to do anything to fix it. 

Clint opened the door trying to hide the tears that had creeped into the corners of his eyes knowing that she would know something was wrong in an instant. 

“Oh Clinton! It’s so good to see you!” The familiar brit exclaimed, using everything in her power to hug Clint as soon as the door was opened. 

Natasha heard her voice and came around the corner when she had composed herself and tucked her thoughts neatly behind a wall that she hoped she wouldn’t be able to see through. 

“Hello Director Carter. I didn’t know you would be joining us tonight.” Natasha said with a smile, letting her and Clint finish their hug. 

“Oh Natasha you know I go by Peggy now. Please, call me as such.” Peggy Carter said, putting her hand on Natasha’s cheek and seeing right through both her and Clint’s disguises. 

“Well you two look nice, but by my accounts, if you don’t get leaving soon you’ll be late, and we can’t be making that impression on the boss now can we? Go. We’ll talk once you get home, I’ve got Peter. You go have fun.” Peggy read the tension between them but knew they didn’t have the time to figure it out then. 

Clint smiled at Peggy gratefully and took Natasha’s hand as they walked out of the door, he called back to Peggy, “Thank you Aunt Peg.” 

“You’re welcome, now go!” She chuckled and closed the door, she was left with Peter for the rest of the night and knew it was going to be an easy night, the real work would start when Clint and Natasha got home. 

 

“How do you want to play this?” Clint asked Natasha as they pulled onto the freeway. 

“Exactly how we planned to play it, we act completely in love with each other until you go and get us drinks from the bar, then I make my move on the target. I make it short and sweet he gets interested and he asks me out on another date. Not much to it.” Natasha said looking into the pull down mirror as she reapplied lipstick.

“Right, right. Sounds good. Am I going to find out about you two at any point?” Clint asked focusing on driving and the mission to distract himself from how upset he still was about their conversation. 

“We’ll see how it goes.” Natasha whispered. They sat in silence before Natasha spoke up again. 

“It would have been nice if you told me Peggy was coming, I would have wore the blue dress that both you and her like.” Natasha said with a genuine smile for the first time in a while.

Clint smirked to himself remembering the last mission they were on where Natasha wore her blue dress, they barely made it out of Fury’s office with their heads on their shoulders after it. “Maybe it’s better that you stuck to the black, I personally would like to keep my head.” He chuckled. 

Natasha smiled, it was just going to be a few more minutes until they were at the restaurant and had to act madly in love with each other, she was getting into character. 

Clint looked down at her wedding ring for the mission and thought about how to ask what he wanted to say. 

“You ever thought about marriage Natasha? Like for real.” 

“I was married to a man once in the Red Room. I didn’t love him, he didn’t love me, it was a mutual agreement to make sure we didn’t kill one another, it made peace between the boys operations and the girls. I’ve never been in love before and probably never will be, no one could love someone like me.” She lamented looking down at one of the covered scars she had on her wrists. 

Clint winced, this was the third time he had gotten too close to Natasha’s past in the last week, and he knew Peter wasn’t helping with anything, he knew that she wasn’t sleeping and was more worried about her than he would tell her. 

Clint just took Natasha’s hand in his and said, “You’ll find someone one day Tash, you’re one of the most amazing people that I know.” 

Natasha just looked out of the window but she left her hand in his, it was a comfort to her, she didn’t like being apart from Clint like this, but she needed it, she needed the time and she needed the space right now. 

 

“Nicholas! Amanda! It’s such a pleasure to see you Nick, and so nice to finally meet you Amanda!” The boss yelled as soon he saw them walk through the door.

He gave Clint a side hug, he then moved onto Natasha air kissed her on both cheeks and hugged her grabbing her ass as he did. Clint took notice and nearly knocked him out for violating Natasha like that, but he took a deep breath and continued to watch him undress and ogle at her as they walked to their table. 

They sat and Clint pulled out Natasha’s chair for her and she looked into his eyes with so many things to say that Clint couldn’t even decipher them all before he had to sit down. To the boss it just looked like they were a young couple in love, something they planned to take full advantage of. 

“So you two are married, just moved into the neighborhood about a month ago. What’s your guys’ story?” The boss asked critically, wanting to know what he could exploit so he could have his moment with Natasha. 

“Me and Nick here have been married for four years, but we’re high school sweethearts, we decided to go to college together, just so we wouldn’t be away from each other.”

“Adorable, any kiddos in the picture?” 

Clint and Natasha looked at each other and silently agreed not to tell him about Peter for his safety. 

“Not yet, that’s why we moved out here, wanted to have a nice environment to lay down some roots and start having kids.” Clint said taking Natasha’s hand under the table. 

“How cute are you two? You guys are the model couple, the American dream, I mean Nick once you put a baby in her you two will be Mr. and Mrs. America.” The boss exaggerated to see what nerves if any he could set off on Clint and Natasha.

Natasha forced herself to blush at his comment and Clint involuntarily squeezed Natasha’s hand out of anger. Natasha took notice of Clint’s rage and didn’t understand why so she sent him off to go get them drinks. 

“Nick baby, the waitress still hasn’t come yet and I’m thirsty, can you go get us something from the bar please?” Natasha purred leaning into his chest, she was putting on a show for Mr. Bradley, she even winked at him when Clint leaned down to kiss her head. 

Clint walked away and Natasha rested her chin on her hand and stared at Mr. Bradley with her luminous green eyes, his eyes were fixated on Natasha’s low cut dress and her chest. Natasha wanted this to finish this mission as soon as possible, the sooner, the sooner she could take out this creep the better. 

“So. Mr. Bradley is it?” 

“Yes, yes it is Amanda.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and redirected his attention at Natasha’s face. 

“Do ever find life to be boring?” Natasha asked, over emphasizing her words and watching him stare at every movement of her lips. 

“Life can be boring if your with boring company, something you are not.” 

“Domestic life can be such a drag. Especially with a husband who’s always working, it gets to be so lonely.” 

“Well honey, you’d never be lonely with me.” The boss hinted. 

“Maybe we should get together sometime, just the two of us. Nick can be, such a drag.” Natasha simped 

“How about in two weeks. I’ve got that Monday off, and Nick will be working. You could come over to my place, and. And well we could have a little fun.” He suggested. 

Natasha smirked back at him and nodded as Nick walked over with their drinks, Natasha had started her mission, she could tell Clint was angry but couldn’t figure out why. They finished their dinner and as they left the boss kissed Natasha on the cheek and lingered for a bit too long. Clint grabbed Natasha’s hand and they made their way back to the house. 

 

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset! You need to calm down, you’re acting childish!” Natasha yelled as they walked into the house. 

Peggy was upstairs with Peter, she was holding him in her arms just because she loved to hold babies, she hadn’t since her own grandchildren were small and that was nearly 15 years ago. 

“Ahh. That’s your mum and dad downstairs. I have to go fix whatever it is that is wrong with them now. And don’t worry dear peter, the woman who always holds you will be your mum, you just need to give her time.” She whispered and put him in the crib. 

Peggy walked down the stairs in all her regality, usually they would take notice of her, but they were too engulfed in their own struggles. 

“I told you Tasha. He’s dangerous! I don’t want you going in there alone with no backup while I am at work! It isn’t safe.”

“You act like I’ve never done this before! He isn’t going to kill me, walking down the street in Russia is more dangerous for me than this guy. I’m fine Clint. I can handle myself.” 

“Woah. You four hours ago you wouldn’t even look at each other, and now you’re screaming at each other. What in the bloody hell has been going on?” Peggy interrupted after a minute. 

Both of them turned their heads to stare at her only for a moment and went back to glaring at each other. 

“He doesn’t want me to run my mission. I was trained for this. This is my job and I’m going to do it so I can get the hell out of here and on my way to Japan.”

“Oh so you’re still leaving? You’re just going to walk out and leave?” Clint accused 

“You don’t own me Barton, and you never will. I’m doing whatever the hell I would like to do and you aren’t going to guilt trip me into any other decision.” 

“I believe…” Peggy was cut off by Clint’s yelling. 

“Oh so you’re going to put up a wall against me, just like you always do? You don’t understand Tasha do you? I care about you! I love you!” He screamed with tears starting to roll down his cheeks, he was tired of being mad, he was tired of not knowing what it was that he felt for Natasha, but the words just slipped out, and there was no going back.


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha stared back at Clint with a fury in her eyes that very few could match. All she saw in him was every man who took one look at her decided that they wanted her and would do anything to have her.

“I don't love you Barton. I never have. And I never will. Don't even consider saying that you love me because I know that you don't. You're manipulating me. You don't love me.” Natasha choked out as her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t want to believe that this was happening, that Clint was just like everyone else, but in her eyes he was.

“Natasha! Natasha! Please wait! Don’t walk away from this! Don’t leave! Natasha you don’t understand how much you mean to me. Please don’t walk away.” Clint begged as Natasha turned away from him and headed to her room. 

“I don’t give a fucking damn Barton! You messed up! I am leaving! I am going to be reassigned! And I am never going to speak to you again.” She yelled leaving Clint feeling like he had just been hit by a semi-truck with her words. 

“Natasha.” Peggy said following her. 

“Don’t. Don’t even try Director.” Natasha warned as she wiped away the tears and put up every wall that she could. Clint was still standing at the kitchen table reeling from what she said.

“Well then Romanoff, if that is what you would like me to revert back to calling you, since you seem to be wanting to shut everyone out.” Peggy sassed her, stopping the door from shutting on her.

“Call me whatever you want. I’m packing my things and I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore.” Natasha whispered grabbing her suitcase from the closet and putting it on her bed. 

“Natasha. Natasha wait. Breathe. Breathe.” Peggy said, grabbing Natasha’s wrist as she saw Natasha’s panic rise and her breathing get quicker and quicker.

“He doesn’t love me Peg. He’s just trying to use me like everyone else is. I should have known, I should have stayed working solo.” 

“Natasha. Clint is nothing like those other men. He is nothing like the man that you guys are trying to take down right now. Natasha he cares about you, he really does and you know that.” Peggy tried to soothe as Natasha refused to look at her and was trying to hide everything she was feeling. 

“He can never love me. No one can ever love me. I lie and I kill for a living. It's all that I have ever done. I can never be a wife and I can never be a mother. I can never be anything that Clint wants, so how in the world can he ever love me?” 

“Natasha. Since the moment that Clint met you, he knew that you were different than what the world had made you out to be, than what you had made yourself out to be. When Clint woke up after surgery after your guys’ mission to Taipei the first thing he asked about was if you were ok. Natasha, Clint cares about you more than he cares about himself, more than he cares about S.H.I.E.L.D, more than he cares about anything except for the baby boy that is upstairs. Natasha you are his entire world, and without you in his life I don't know what he is going to do.” 

“Peggy everyone who I have ever cared about has ended up dead! Everywhere I go I leave a trail of dead bodies in my wake and my life has been filled with nothing but heartbreak and death. I don't even know what love is. I don't even know how to live my life without waiting for the next mission. Ms. Peggy! There is nothing for Clint to love about me!” Natasha yelled as a few stray tears slipped out of her eyes and she wiped them away. 

“Natasha is your evaluation on whether Clint loves you based on how he treats and feels about you, or how you feel about yourself?” 

“I'm an assassin. I don't feel any particular way about myself.” She scoffed and looked at the picture of her and Clint in Rome, on her nightstand. 

“Ah Natasha. You still somehow think that you can lie to me.” Peggy chuckled, she saw right through Natasha without even trying. 

“Peggy you aren't going to convince me that he somehow loves me, or that I somehow feel the same way.” 

“Natasha I've known you longer than you have even known yourself. I've known you since I walked into to Red Room having barely got my feet wet as a founder of S.H.I.E.L.D. I saw you when you were seven and just barely surviving, and fighting your way through the room to survive. Natasha you didn't even know me, and when you came in you didn't recognize me. But I knew you, I recognized you, I followed you and I made sure that when you needed to be eliminated that you would have the best chance at surviving. Natasha. I sent Clint to you. You do not get to say that you do not have feelings of gratitude and friendship and an appreciation for that boy out there who's heart you just broke.” 

“Peggy.” 

“No. This is the part when you listen. Natasha you may not know how you feel about him, but you feel very deeply for him and that is something that not even you can deny. You may feel like your heart is ice and that no emotion slips through your walls, but I know Natasha. You care about him, no matter what you say. Natasha how many times have you been shot for Clint?” 

“Counting the torture?” 

“Natasha that is exactly my point, you are willing to take a bullet for that man, any day of the week. You withstood four hours of torture just to make sure Clint would be clear of the safehouse we were hiding him in so that they wouldn’t kill him while you guys were in Romania. Natasha, that is what love is. Love is when you are willing to do anything for your best friend, when you feel like you can’t live your life without them in it.” 

“Love is dangerous Peggy. They could use it against me.” Natasha whispered finally looking at Peggy again. 

“Well then you have been living a very dangerous life Natasha, because I know you care deeply about Maria, and Fury, and I know for a fact that you care about Clint. Natasha the love that you have for them isn’t romantic sweetheart, the love you feel for them is platonic. Not every love is romantic dear.” 

“I can’t stay. It’ll only end with both Clint and Peter dead. I won’t be the reason they die Peggy, I can’t have their names in my ledger with everyone else that I have killed.” 

“Then don’t Natasha.” Peggy grabbed Natasha’s hand and held it in her own. “Stay, protect them, figure out how you truly feel before you make a decision one way or another, don’t let your actions be controlled by your fear of them. Natasha don’t let them take another chance at a life that you could have, a life that you could potentially want.” 

“It won’t be safe Peggy.”

“Natasha honey, if what you did in your life was safe I wouldn’t be standing here trying to convince you to let you feel your own emotions.” 

“Emotions get people killed.”

“But they have also saved Clint’s life, and mine, and Maria’s, and even your’s Natasha. Emotion is part of what makes people human.” 

“I’m not supposed to be human Peggy.”

“And maybe that’s exactly why you should be.” 

 

Clint felt the pillow absorb his head, and the sheets that were haphazardly draped over him. He couldn’t bring his eyes to close, he couldn’t stop Natasha’s words from replaying in his mind like a tape. He couldn’t stop rethinking everyone of his actions since he came on the mission wondering if he had made a mistake somewhere that would cost him to lose Natasha in his life permanently. 

Screams errupted in the house, waking both the baby and Peggy carter who had insisted upon sleeping in Peter’s room. 

“Clint is that you?” Peggy called insuring that it could not be him. 

“I was hoping it was you.” He yelled back grabbing the gun off his nightstand and realizing that he should probably find a more secure spot for it. 

Clint jumped out of bed and ran to take care of Peter as the screams continued. 

“Go take care of her. I’ve got him.” Peggy said as she put Peter into her arms and he was already starting to calm down. 

Clint nodded and ran down the stairs, he cleared the house and all points of entry that he could see before he went to her door. 

“Natasha! Natasha! Are you ok?” He demanded while pounding on the door.

“Clinton now is not the time to respect her privacy! Get in there!” Peggy yelled from atop the stairs as she rocked Peter. 

Clint muscled his way through the door, breaking the lock in the process, he cleared the room and found it empty except for a sleeping Natasha who had resumed her screaming after a break. 

Clint set his weapon on the counter and walked over to her very slowly, she had chained herself to the bed again, something she hadn’t done, at least to Clint’s knowledge in close to a year. He thought he had finally broken her of that habit. 

“Tasha. Natasha. Hey Hey. Relax you’re safe. Natasha. Natasha stop screaming.” 

“Please. Please make it stop.” She begged him in her semi-conscious state.

“Shhh. You’re ok Tash. I’m right here. Natasha wake up.” He whispered shaking her awake. 

When she opened her eyes she sprang like a cat and had Clint with a knife to his throat before he could even blink.

“Tasha. Tasha. I yield. It’s me Tasha. Put the knife down.” Clint said softly with his hands in the air. 

Natasha released him and put the knife back under her pillow where it usually resided.

“What you doing here?” She whispered attempting to hide her moment of weakness. 

“You were having a nightmare, you’re screaming woke Peg and the baby. I was still awake so I came to check on you, make sure you weren’t dying or anything.” He chuckled trying to lighten the mood. 

Natasha didn’t look at him, she couldn’t she still couldn’t figure out how she felt or what she was going to do. 

They stood in silence for a few moments, neither of them able to look at the other. 

“I’ll go check on Peggy, she was pretty startled.”

“Clint. Please don’t, please don’t go.”

“Tasha?”

“I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep without…”

“I can’t sleep without you either Tash. I can’t sleep when we are fighting like this.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He whispered shaking his head. He watched her walk over to him. 

“I was a fool, who didn’t think about the consequences of my actions, guess that’s nothing new.” He laughed as she got closer to him.

“Maybe you weren’t the fool. Maybe I was the one who was wrong.” She whispered grabbing his hand, inviting him into a hug. 

“Tasha?”

“Maybe I just didn’t know what love was until you showed me. Maybe I didn’t realize that you could love someone as a friend.” She whispered as they held each other tight. 

“What does…”

“Just stay with me tonight, just lay here with me because…”

“You can’t get the nightmares to go away?” 

Natasha shook her head slightly and Clint knew how hard this was truly hitting her, this change from whatever it was that they had before to now. He saw the bags under her eyes that were just as bad as his own, and he realized that he needed his best friend back, and that she wanted hers. 

Clint pulled away from her only slightly, just enough so that he could look into her eyes. 

“Let me go check on Peter, and then I’ll come back and we can finally both get some sleep.” 

“Thank you Clint.” 

“Always Natasha.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Natasha. Natasha? Do you have Peter?” Peggy called out to her upstairs, she hadn't heard either of them in a few minutes and was worried. 

“Natasha?” Peggy asked after no response and starting to walk up the stairs with her hand on the knife that was in a hidden side holster on her leg. 

Peggy opened the door to the nursery and found Natasha pacing the length of the room with Peter on her chest with Mozart playing in background. 

Natasha didn't hear Peggy come in behind her and continued to hum along with the music as she held Peter. Peggy pulled the disposable camera off of the dresser that Clint had put there that morning and got a picture of the two of them before Natasha noticed. 

“Oh. Hi Peg.” Natasha whispered turning down the music and setting the sleeping Peter in his crib. 

“You seem to be taking much better to him.” Peggy whispered. 

“Yeah, he's going to need an Aunt Nat in his life, plus he was crying and you were downstairs and I was closer so it was just easier.” Natasha deflected, turning the music off entirely. 

“Mozart is an interesting pick for a baby.” Peggy commented, taking the clothes out of the clean basket and starting to fold them. 

“It's calming.” Natasha said shrugging and going over to help Peggy. 

“Is it calming you or the baby?” Peggy asked as she looked over Natasha's skimpy outfit, she was going to the target's house for their date today. 

“Peggy this is what I was made for, it's going to be a cake walk.” Natasha tried to say nonchalantly, but Peggy saw through her disguise. 

“I would assume you got the file that Nicholas sent you on your mark?” Peggy asked quietly, knowing that Natasha read it, but was hiding it from Clint for the security of the mission. 

“Yeah. Clint can't know though, if he finds out…” 

“I know, he would end the mission and neither of you would complete the real mission at hand.” 

“Thank you, Peggy.” 

“Be safe, Natasha.” Peggy whispered giving Natasha a kiss on her forehead like a mother would. 

“I will. I promise, Peg.” 

“And if you need an extraction you promise to press that button, right?” Peggy asked looking Natasha in her eyes and demanding the truth from her. 

Natasha nodded her head and looked at Peter one more time. “I should get going.” She whispered grabbing her purse. 

“If you aren't back in five hours I'm coming in after you.” Peggy shouted as Natasha walked down the stairs. 

“I'm counting on it Peg. If I'm not back in five hours we have a problem.” She shouted back as she opened the door and stepped out of it. 

Peggy looked back at Peter and picked him up out of his crib. “That mother of yours is going to get herself in trouble one day.” She whispered to him as he started cooing again. 

 

“How long has it been?” Nick Fury asked her over the phone. 

“Four hours and twenty three minutes.” Peggy said quietly, Peter had just been given a bottle and Peggy was cleaning and loading a pistol on the kitchen table. 

“Natasha said it would take her three hours max, if she went past five hours there was a problem.” Fury repeated looking at the report Natasha sent him on what she would be doing today. 

“Yes I know Nick. Why do you think I'm preparing to go in after her?” She asked him.

“Natasha knows better than this, she knows what this guy is.” Fury said shaking his head and looking at the clock in his office again. 

“You know how stubborn Natasha is, if she thinks she can get a mission done without help she will.” Peggy sighed and looked at the timer again, two more minutes had past. 

“I'm assuming that Clint has no idea the extent of what Natasha was walking into.” 

“No and you know why. That boy loves Natasha more than he will admit and it's the exact same reason why you won't tell Natasha why she is on this mission.” 

“I know Director. I know, this is a very awkward situation we are in.” Fury said pulling up another report that Clint had sent him. 

“Awkward doesn't even begin to describe the situation that you put Clint and Natasha in. I'm beginning to think that you sent them here to try and get them together.” 

“And that would be such a bad thing?” Fury asked with a laugh. 

“God, Nicholas. Do you even know what you're doing? Because sometimes I think you just throw things together and see what happens.” She sassed him looking at the timer again, it had officially past four and a half hours and Peggy felt herself getting more and more nervous. 

“Director. Natasha will be fine. I have faith in her and her abilities.” He said trying to calm her down, he felt her getting anxious and he wasn't doing much better. 

“I have faith in Natasha and that is exactly what scares me.” 

Fury sighed. “Is she taking to the kid better now that her and Barton are talking to each other again?” 

“I found her holding him to calm herself down before she left. So I'd say she's doing much better with him.” 

Fury laughed to himself and looked at the clock again. 

“I don't see how you find this situation funny.” Peggy commented as she looked out of the window for Natasha. 

“Well you don't know how upset she was when she called and asked me for a reassignment. I knew she would get attached to him before the mission was over, I figured she just needed some time. Kinda ironic how that worked out.” 

“Nick, I think she’s coming back.” Peggy whispered looking out of the window and seeing Natasha walk back quickly. 

“Update me on how it went, I’ll be waiting.” Fury sighed, breathing a sigh of relief knowing Natasha was safe back at the house. 

Natasha took her key out of her purse, but Peggy beat her to the door and opened it before Natasha put the key in the lock. 

“You’re almost late.” Peggy said looking Natasha up and down and taking notice of every mark that Natasha had tried to hide. 

“Sorry. I got…” Natasha trailed off as she looked at the table and Peggy started examining her closer. 

“You got beat to holy hell, that’s what you got.” Peggy whispered pulling Natasha inside the house. 

“It's part of the job Peg. I'm going to go get cleaned up and changed before Clint gets home.” She whispered still looking away from Peggy and trying to hide the side of her face that was starting to swell. 

“Look at me.” Peggy demanded slightly pulling Natasha's face to see the side of her face that was swollen. 

“Jesus, Natasha. What did he do to you?” 

“Is Peter ok? Is he asleep again?” Natasha tried to distract as she felt herself getting more upset. 

“Natasha. Natasha, look at me. Look at my eyes. Did he? Did he do all of this to you?” Peggy whispered with a fury Natasha had never heard before. 

“He likes giving it and taking it rough. I accomplished the mission, I even got a copy of his hard drive.” Natasha whispered handing Peggy a flash drive. 

“Natasha. Your wrists.” She whispered taking Natasha's hands in hers and looking at the red marks that surrounded her wrists. 

“Peg. I need to shower, and cover all of this before Clint gets home. If he sees this, it won't be pretty.” 

“Let's get some ice on your face first to stop the swelling.” Peggy said turning around and going to the kitchen, letting Natasha sit down. 

“Can you eat, Natasha?” Peggy asked her as she got Natasha ice and prepared to make her something to eat. 

“Natasha?” Peggy asked again, coming out of the kitchen and seeing Natasha stare at nothing in particular, all Peggy saw in her eyes was fear. 

Peggy touched Natasha's shoulder lightly and she pulled away. 

“Shhhhh. It's ok. It's ok.” Peggy whispered, trying again to touch Natasha and handing her the ice. 

“Thank you.” 

“How do you want to handle this, Natasha.” 

“I have to finish the mission.” She whispered, wincing as she put the ice on her face. 

“You can finish it a different way. Clint will eventually find out, you can't hide this from him.” 

“I've hid worse.” She admitted. 

Peggy sighed as she heard Peter stirring on the baby monitor. Peggy pushed Natasha's hair out of her face and left it there, trying to calm Natasha's mind. 

“I was made for this Peggy. I can't stop now. If I do. How many more kids end up like me?”

“You know.” Peggy whispered. 

“I had a suspicion when Clint adopted Peter. It was confirmed when I got the copy of the hard drive.” 

“Nick sent you here because he knew that you would do anything to bring him down when you found out.” 

“I know Peg. I know that's all they need me for.” She whispered standing up and handing Peggy back the ice. 

“Natasha that's not what I meant and you know that.” Peggy defended. 

Natasha only looked down and walked away. She closed the door to her room quietly and Peggy heard the water to the shower start soon afterward. 

Natasha stepped in the shower and tried to wash away everything that had just happened. She tried to forget everything that he did to her, she tried to keep the soap from stinging the rope burns on her wrists and the claw marks on her hips. 

Her mind kept flashing between his bedroom and the Red Room. Her memories bounced from his hands on her and the disgust she felt for him to what the Red Room put her through. She thought of every old man when she was younger who wanted her, who she coerced to get information out of. 

Natasha couldn't think straight every noise she heard she jumped at, she knocked over her shampoo bottle and nearly broke down because of it. 

Natasha Romanoff didn't cry, she didn't show emotion, but what he did to her was too much. What she found on his laptop was too much. He was exploiting girls, using child soldiers, and providing one of the divisions of the Red Room with weapons, among other horrible people. Everything that he did to her made her want to catch him even more, to make him burn in hell for everything that he does. 

By the time that the frigid water had numbed Natasha's body Peggy was knocking at the door to check on her. Natasha simply called back that she was fine and let the water continue to run over her body, the cold reminded her of Russia, not all of it was bad though, the first time she ever saw Clint was in Russia, it was below zero, and he looked miserable, she didn't know it then, but he was sent to find her and then kill her. 

As she thought of Clint, how they met, how he believed in her, and became her partner, some of the worst memories of her past started to fade. She thought about their last mission to Sicily, how it was warm and bright, how she felt relaxed with him even though she was working. He was her best friend, her family really, she had no one before she met Clint, he took her in like a stray kitten, Clint always said he had a thing for strays. Clint Barton gave her a home and the more and more she thought about it, the more and more she wanted to help him do the same thing for Peter. 

By the time that Natasha turned off the water her head was spinning, her face had stopped swelling, but it was going to be difficult to hide it from Clint, she still kept thinking about her past, but the only thing that kept her grounded was the thought of her future, about going to Japan, seeing Maria when she came for an update in a few weeks, even spending more time with Clint. 

Natasha put on a pair of leggings and an old S.H.I.E.L.D hoodie that she brought with her. She used the clothing to hide most of the bruises that were starting to form and focused on hiding the swelling and redness on her face with makeup. She looked at the clock and noticed that Clint would be home in less than half an hour. 

“Natasha? Do you want to come help me make dinner before Clint comes home? I want to make sure you didn’t get a concussion.” Peggy called after knocking on her door. 

“I’m fine Peg. Just give me a few minutes, I’ve got to put makeup on.” 

Peggy sighed from the other side of the door and looked up, “Ok, Natasha, whenever you’re ready I’ll be in the kitchen.” 

Natasha didn’t respond as she heard Peggy walk away, Natasha didn’t want to leave her room tonight, but she knew she would have to or Clint would come and find her. Fury had even scheduled a mission debrief tonight, Clint had gotten more business files for his mission and was moving up in the ranks quickly. 

Natasha finished quickly and went upstairs to grab Peter, she heard him fussing on the baby monitor and Peggy was busy downstairs. Natasha picked him up and laid him on her chest again, to walk back downstairs, he calmed down having her close to him. 

“Hey Peggy.” Natasha said coming into the kitchen and sitting down at the counter. 

“Natasha the sauce is on right now, I’m going to run upstairs to grab Peter. Watch the food for me.” Peggy ordered without turning around.

“I’ve already got him Peg. I can watch the food too if you want, I mean, we’ve been busy with the mission so Peter has kinda just fallen to you. Go take a break, I can handle this.” 

Peggy turned around and smiled, Natasha looked calm and Peggy could only tell her face was swollen because she had seen it uncovered earlier. “I would rather be here with you guys than alone by myself at the house. Peter is a joy to take care of, he gives me a bit of purpose again. Let me look at your eye Natasha.” She said turning the stove down and looking at Natasha’s face. 

“I told you Peggy it’s fine.” Natasha pulled away as Peggy touched another tender spot on her arm. 

“It’s really not, Natasha. I don’t think you should continue. Not when this is what he is doing to you. Natasha you have more to live for than just the mission now.”

“Peggy. I have to do this. I have to finish what I started, because if I don’t, so many more people get hurt than just me. I knocked him out before I left, I can just keep doing it like this. I can finish this.” 

Peggy shook her head and continued to watch Natasha, making sure she didn’t have a concussion, Peggy knew that Natasha had been through worse, but she knew that this time it was personal, that things were hitting too close to home. 

“I’m fine Peggy.” Natasha insisted quietly. 

“Then tell me that you are ok.” 

“You know I can’t do that, Peggy.” Natasha whispered as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. 

“Why don’t you set the table? You can put Peter in the swing until Clint gets home.” 

Natasha heard a car pull in front of the house and she looked at Peggy. “I’m going to go meet Clint outside, I don’t want any of the neighbors thinking anything.” Natasha said grabbing one of Clint’s sweatshirts and changing it out for the one that she had on, not wanting anyone to see the S.H.I.E.L.D

“Hey baby.” Natasha cooed to Clint as he got out of the car and he walked over to her. 

“God Amanda, you get prettier as the days go by.” Clint said and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her in the driveway. 

“How did the mission go?” Clint whispered in between kisses. 

“Perfectly.” Natasha said continuing to kiss Clint without leaving the driveway. 

“Natasha, who are you putting this show on for?” 

“Long story.” Natasha said pulling on Clint’s tie to pull him into the house. 

“That doesn’t sound like the mission went perfectly then.” Clint said as he set his briefcase down and closed the door. 

“That was a mighty fine show you two put on out there.” Peggy commented, making Clint blush. 

Clint looked over and saw Peter in the baby swing and immediately went to him. “Hey Petey-pie! How was your day? Did grandma take good care of you?” He asked. 

“Grandma?” Peggy exclaimed. 

“I thought it was fitting, you know I don’t have any family other than you Peggy, well and Coulson. You’re the only person I could think of that that title would fit, plus I mean, you’ve been taking care of him so often that it just felt natural.” He explained as Natasha helped Peggy finish serving dinner. 

“Well I am honored Clinton. I hope I will do the title justice, and what will you do about the other figures in Peter’s life?” Peggy asked hinting at a mother figure. 

“I’ve already got Aunt Nat covered, he just needs to figure out the rest, well and Maria should be an Aunt too. I mean that just makes sense.” Natasha interjected. 

Clint smiled and went to speak but the phone ringing cut him off. “That must be Fury.” He commented, setting Peter back down in the baby swing and going to the table to eat. 

Clint turned the Dodgers game on in the background without sound, it gave both him and Natasha something to look at when they were thinking of an answer, or being yelled at, that made it less awkward than staring at each other. Clint sat down and the meeting bagan quickly. 

 

“Natasha! Natasha! Get out here now! You have to see this!” Clint yelled frantically as Natasha was in her room applying makeup to all of her bruises, she had yet to cover her face and it was worrying her the way Clint was yelling. 

“Give me a second!” She yelled back. 

“Natasha! A plane just hit the World Trade Center!” He screamed, which started Peter crying. 

Natasha stepped outside of her room without bothering with the rest of her makeup and ran to the dining room where the TV was, Peggy was standing next to Clint with their eyes glued to the TV and Natasha joined them. 

“What the hell?” Natasha breathed. 

“Natasha, is this Russia?” Peggy asked quietly. 

“It shouldn’t be. We’ve been on good terms from what I know. I’ll call one of my contacts right now, Benji won’t be happy but he can deal with it.” 

Natasha went to the house phone and started dialing as the second plane hit. “Holy shit!” Natasha whispered. 

“Clint we got to get on this, who is this? Russia isn’t the type to do this.” 

Clint couldn’t pull his eyes away or even speak. He grew up on the streets of New York when the circus wasn’t traveling. The towers weren’t far from his off base apartment. 

“Natasha, Clint. Who is in that tower that you know?” Peggy demanded as she saw the looks on both of their faces. 

“I don’t know.” Clint whispered, speaking for the first time.

“Clint, you aren’t going into work today. We may need to start packing, Fury could reassign us.” 

“Natasha get that contact of yours on the phone, Clint get Peter. I’ll start packing everything I can.” Peggy ordered trying to get Clint out of his stupor 

Clint stayed standing still as he watched the smoke start to spill out of the tower, the people jumping and more and more emergency vehicles pour in from everywhere he could think of. 

“Peg, do you want me to try Nick first?” 

“There’s no way Nick will pick up the phone, that contact might.” 

“On it.” Natasha shouted redialing the phone. 

Clint still stood completely still refusing to look away from the TV, he watched as the first tower fell and then the second. He didn’t make any noise as a few tears started to fall. He didn’t see Natasha pick up Peter to calm him down finally. Clint watched as firefighters and police officers were swallowed by debris and rubble and wondering if he hadn’t been on this mission if that could have been him. 

“Peg it isn’t Russia! Al qaeda just took credit for it!” Natasha called hanging up the phone after thanking whoever she was talking to in Russian. 

“Well that’s slightly relieving, you won’t be deported at least.” Peggy called as Natasha heard the tape gun being used. 

“Nat. I’ve got to go. I’ve got to donate blood, something, anything to help.” Clint said finally pulling himself away from the TV and drying his tears. 

“Clint, you can only donate at S.H.I.E.L.D, it keeps you out of any systems.” Natasha tried to reason as she was still holding onto Peter. 

“Natasha! Did you see what just happened? Did you watch those towers collapse? People are going to need blood and I will give as much as I can to help.” He nearly yelled. 

“Clint. There aren’t going to be any survivors. And if there are, there won’t be many.” She whispered to him, grabbing one of his hands. 

“How do you know?” He demanded. 

“The hospital fire.” 

Clint looked at Natasha for the first time that morning, he noticed all of the bruises and the black eye. Clint put his hand on her face and brushed his thumb over the tender spot. 

“Did he do this?” He whispered 

“Clint. Not now, please. We have other things to do.” She begged him quietly.

“We’re going to get this son of a bitch one way or another, and we are going to take down the bastard who did this to our country.” 

“Clint. I’m Russian.” 

“Not anymore. No, you and I are agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and we will do whatever we need to do to take care of our people.” 

Natasha leaned her face into Clint’s palm and he wrapped his other arm around her and Peter. 

“I’m going to take care of my family, Natasha, and that means you too.” He whispered to her. 

“Clint I…”

“Natasha! Clint! Nick is on the phone with mission details.” Peggy called to them from upstairs.


	8. Chapter 8

“Nat. Wait. What do we do if he reassigns us?” 

“We accomplish our mission.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” Clint muttered to himself as he set Peter down in the swing. 

Clint watched as Natasha darted up the stairs, he wanted to know what she was going to say, he wanted five more minutes of just them together, he wanted nothing more than for her to stay with him, for her to tell Fury to fuck off, and for them to finish their current mission. 

“Romanoff. You’re upcoming mission to Japan is cancelled. After the completion of your current mission you and Barton are being reassigned.” 

“Where?” Clint asked, standing beside Natasha. 

“Barton, you are being reassigned to the sniper team. You will be on standby every minute of the day and you will need to be ready at a moments notice. If we get a shot on Bin Laden, you’re taking it.” 

“If we have a shot while I’m on assignment, what is my priority?” Barton asked, looking around the room and knowing that the stability he had created for Peter could disappear with one phone call. 

“After this mission, your priority is finding the motherfucker who just pulled off one of the largest acts of terrorism in American history. I want the son of a bitch you’re chasing now. He’s supplying weapons to terrorists, and other people.”

“Director, I already know they are supplying the Red Room, you can drop the cover now.”

“Well then. Romanoff, you’re on intel gathering, I want to know what every single terrorist is doing every single moment of the day. I want to know what Bin Laden ate for breakfast, I want everything. We trained him to fight the Russians, you’ve seen them up close and personal.” Fury ordered.

“Yes, sir. Has the time table changed?” 

“Only if you can destroy the organization down to the last root. I don’t even want a seed left. Everything goes.”

“Understood.” 

“Barton. Get out.” Fury barked

Clint looked at Natasha and she nodded. She already knew what this was going to be about, having Clint there would only make it harder. 

“Natasha. I want a full debrief from your mission now. We can’t afford to wait until Maria gets there in a few weeks.” 

Peggy looked over at her, Natasha was staring at the phone deciding how much she could tell him without the mission being pulled. 

“Will this report affect the mission orders in anyway?” 

“If your talking about how he beat you yesterday, then unfortunately no. The information you collected though could.” 

“Seems like you already know what happened. Why do you need a report?” Natasha snapped, putting up walls and knowing that Peggy had told him. 

“Because contrary to what you think. I actually care about you and value your opinions. I want to know what you want to do about this guy.” 

“I would like to roast his intestines over a fire, but that can’t happen. I think I need to get closer to him, to get any intel, I had to knock him out first. If I can get him to trust me I can do whatever it is you need me to do.”

“How much danger are you putting yourself in to get him to trust you?”

“No more than the usual. He likes giving it rough. Can’t change that fact. Give me a couple more dates and I think I can do it.” 

“Didn’t answer my question.”

“I’ve disabled a bomb with nothing but scissors and a paperclip, Nick. I can figure out my way around an abusive bastard. I’ve done it before.”

“Does Clint know yet?” 

“He didn’t know until this morning. I didn’t have time to cover up before the towers fell.” 

“I’m going to need the copy of his harddrive. Do you think there’s anyway you can get it to me by tomorrow. We think he has more intel on the terrorists than we initially thought.” 

“I can drive it down to Chicago today if you want. There isn’t any field offices closer for me to make a drop.”

“The mail won’t be secure for months. Someone has to make a drop in person.” Peggy added her two-sense in for the first time. 

Fury sighed, “Maria is already on her way to me in D.C. I can send her to pick up it up on her way back.” 

“Any other details you need from me?” Natasha asked quietly. 

“Director Carter, could you give me and Natasha a minute, please?” 

Peggy glanced at Natasha and took her leave. 

“How likely is Clint to fly off the handle and kill the guy himself?” 

“He won’t do it until the mission finishes, especially with him knowing how high the stakes are.” 

“And after the mission?” 

“I make no promises about the future of our target.” 

Fury chuckled to himself. “What about the kid?” 

“We have a neighbor, she’s too nosy for her own good, likes watching me and Clint, nearly compromised us last week. I put on a show for her and no one is any wiser for it.”

“So that’s the situation with you and Clint and the kid.” 

“I’m purely doing what the mission asks of me. Mission comes first, nothing I do will change that fact.” 

“Very well then Agent Romanoff. Keep me informed with any mission updates.” 

 

Natasha walked in the house quietly, or at least what she thought was quietly. Natasha bumped into the table next to the door that held her and Clint’s keyes, nearly knocking it over. Her walking was uncoordinated and the room swayed beneath her feet. 

“Nat?” Clint asked her quietly from the couch

“I’m fine, Clint.” Natasha huffed, using the couch arm to try and steady herself. 

“Natasha, don’t move please.” Clint whispered gently as he walked over to her. 

“I’m fine. Nothing wrong me.” 

“Tasha. I’m going to turn on the light. Don’t get scared, ok?” Clint spoke to her like a child, from the hall light he saw a drop of blood fall from her wrist and her inability to stand still. 

Clint flipped the switch and saw the full extent of the damage. The entire left side of Natasha’s face was red and starting to swell. Her right shoulder looked as though it was out of her socket and her wrists were raw and bleeding. He saw her shirt clung to her in unnatural ways, and upon closer examination found blood was causing it to stick to her. 

“I’m fine, Clint.” 

“What did he do to you?” He breathed, trying to help her sit down on the couch instead of standing next to it. 

“I got. I got the records. Bank, phone, transaction. All of it. It was his birthday, he wanted to celebrate.” 

“Tasha, follow my finger.” He ordered as she babbled on about nothing in particular, he couldn’t get her eyes to follow his finger and he knew that she had a concussion. 

“He said I was beautiful. Then he rammed me against the wall. He wanted to try something new today.” She confessed as her eyes avoided Clint all together and he saw the blankness behind them. 

“Tasha. I’m going to get you some ice, keep talking to me.” 

“Clint. He did this, I couldn’t stop him. I had to get everything. I did. I accomplished the mission.” 

“And you did amazing.” Clint said running back to her with an ice pack in his hand and pressing it to the side of her face. 

“See. That feels better now doesn’t it?” He asked, trying to guide her eyes to look at him. 

Natasha nodded and leaned closer to him. “I’m tired.” She admitted. 

“Tash, you can’t go to sleep on me, you’ve got to stay awake.” He begged her, knowing that when someone with a major head injury goes to sleep it could be disastrous. 

“It’s all spinning so fast. I just want to close my eyes.” 

“Shhhh. It’s ok. No closing your eyes. Look at me Tash. There you go.” 

“I have the files. They are all right here. He was on the phone and told me to make myself all pretty for him when he came to the bedroom. He left his laptop open.” She said holding up a flashdrive in her slightly blood stained hand. 

“Natasha, that’s perfect. Keep talking to me, tell me everything.” He picked up the phone and dialed the direct line to Fury’s office. 

“Get me Fury, right fucking now.” He demanded to the all night secretary as his eyes didn’t leave Natasha. He put his hand on Natasha’s right side and his fingers came away slightly bloody. 

“He had a knife, he said he was gentle with me.” 

“Natasha, don’t worry about him right now, just focus on me. You’re never going to have to go back there.” He took the flashdrive out of her hand and put a slight amount of pressure on her side. 

“I don’t give a flying fuck that it’s two in the morning and he is busy, this takes precedence. Tell him, Romanoff is down.” He nearly shouted into the phone. 

“Clint, It’s gonna be ok.” She whispered stroking the side of his face.

“Don’t worry about me, ok? I just need you to focus. You hit your head really bad, can you tell me how it happened?” 

“He got me into bed, and he pushed me up against the headboard, I hit my head, and then later, I tried to leave and, he wanted more and he pushed my head into a wall. I don’t know what else happened.” 

“That’s ok. That helps.” 

“I need a med team on the phone right now, then get me surveillance, then get Fury!” Clint yelled to which Natasha put her hand over his. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong, Tasha. Everything’s going to be ok.” He said as he pressed the phone to his ear and waited for instructions. 

“Water.” She blurted out randomly. 

“Natasha, what do you mean? Do you want water?”

“There was water in his house, a bucket. Someone was there before I was, he told me he just had his maid over to clean.”

“What does that mean Tasha?” he asked her as she went white as a sheet. 

Natasha stood uneasily on her feet and ran to the kitchen sink. She leaned over the counter and emptied the contents of her stomach. 

“Tasha!” He yelled, running after her and pulling her long red hair out of her face. 

“I’m fine.” 

“No you’re not.” Clint said as Natasha continued to vomit. 

“Janice, get me that med team now. I’m about two seconds from taking Romanoff to the hospital.” He ordered into the phone that was now on the counter and on speaker. 

“Right away, give me thirty seconds.”

“I don’t have thirty seconds!” He yelled, as Natasha fell into his arms. 

“Natasha, did you eat or drink anything while you were over there?” 

“Just water and a shitty glass of whiskey. I haven’t eaten anything since I left.” She groaned as she let her head fall back against the cabinets. Clint put his hand between her head and the wood to make sure it wouldn’t make her concussion worse.

“Agent Barton, this is Doctor Thomas, what do you need?” 

“Agent Romanoff has sustained a major head wound. I also believe she was drugged. I don’t know your security clearance, but she was stabbed or cut multiple times with a knife and I don’t feel comfortable removing her shirt to look at the wounds.” 

“How much blood has she lost?” 

“Not enough to make her pass out. She just threw up, I don’t know if it was because of the drugs or the injury. I’m barely keeping her awake at the moment.” Clint said as he tapped the uninjured side of Natasha’s face and her eyes fluttered open again. 

“Is there any major bruising or swelling on her head?” 

“The entire left side of her face is swollen and beginning to bruise. She did tell me that she also hit the back of her head.” 

“I don’t have enough to go on to diagnose her with either things, or even both things. Is there any way that you could treat the immediate stuff without going to an E.R.?” The doctor asked, as the door to the room swung open and a very upset looking Nick Fury walked through the door. 

“I can pop her shoulder back into place, but it’ll probably hurt. I can clean up the cuts on her wrist and I can see if she will let me look at her chest.” 

“Do that. I’ll be back in 15 minutes. I would assume you have an advanced first aid kit with you?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Use it, if anything with her changes, yell and I’ll come back. Don’t let her fall asleep.” 

“Yes, sir.” Clint grunted as he picked Natasha up and walked her back over to the couch, setting her down gently next to the phone. 

“Romanoff, this is Director Fury. Can you hear me?” Fury asked as Clint ran into the downstairs bathroom to get the first aid kit. 

“Yes, sir. I can hear you.” She mumbled. 

Fury breathed a sigh of relief and turned away from the phone momentarily. 

“That’s good. Who is with you right now?” He stalled for Clint who was on his way back with the kit. 

“Agent Barton. I think Peter is upstairs.” 

“What’s Agent Barton’s first name?” 

“Clinton Francis Barton.” She decided and blurted it out as Clint kneeled beside her. 

Fury let out a slight chuckle. “That isn’t his first name, but it is his full name.” 

“I got the intel.” 

Fury turned away from the phone with nothing but rage in his eyes. Natasha accomplished her mission, but it was costing her more than he ever thought it would. 

“Natasha, you’re chest is bleeding. Can I take off your shirt to look at it?” Clint asked, gently taking Natasha’s face and forcing her to look at him. 

Natasha nodded her head softly, but Clint wasn’t convinced. 

“Natasha, I need you to verbally tell me that I can remove your shirt to look at your cuts.” 

Nick smiled gently on the other side of the phone. He knew that Clint wouldn’t do anything that Natasha wasn’t comfortable with, unless it was a life or death situation. For now, Natasha was somewhat stable and Clint didn’t want to push her over the edge. 

“Go ahead, Clint. I know you won’t hurt me.” she whispered to him. 

Clint got out a pair of scissors and started cutting through Natasha’s shirt. He put a hand towel over her chest knowing that it would make her feel more comfortable. 

“Shit. Fury can you get me the doc?” Clint asked as he saw the bruising on Natasha’s ribcage and the slices down it. 

“How bad is it?” Fury shouted from the door to let the doctor back in. 

“At least one of her ribs is broken, and she’s got slices down the length of her ribcage that have been bleeding.”

“Are they deep enough to need stitches?” The doctor asked, walking in and hearing Clint’s preliminary report. 

“Yeah. It isn’t going to be easy either.” Clint said pulling Natasha up, so he could get to work. 

“Doc, this is going to hurt her like a bitch. Do I have your permission to have her down alcohol to help?” 

“If you know her like that, then yes. Do it.” 

“That’s a risky move Barton’s making.” The doc muttered to Fury.

“Barton’s smarter than you think he is. I will admit he makes stupid decisions sometimes, but when it comes to her safety, he won’t let anything happen to her. 

“Natasha. Drink some of this.” He told her handing her one of the bottles of vodka that she kept in her room. 

“I never thought you would ever have to tell me to drink alcohol.” Natasha joked as Clint put on gloves and started sewing one of her sides. 

“Tasha. This is going to…”

“Shit!” Natasha shouted as Clint popped her shoulder back into place. 

“Sorry.”

“Is that everything you needed from the doc, Clint?” 

“Yeah. I think I’ve got it under control now. I’m still not letting her go to sleep.” 

“Good choice. I’ll leave my number with Fury in case you need anything else from me.” 

Clint worked on Natasha in silence, he knew how much pain he was causing her, but he tried to limit it. He only let his eyes wander to her face to make sure she didn’t want him to stop. 

“Barton, what happened?” Fury asked him once Clint had finished Natasha’s right side and moved onto her left. 

“He drugged her, he beat her, then he raped her. Maybe not in that order, but that’s what happened. I’m not letting her back in that house, I swear to god Nick, I will kill him myself.” 

“I’m fine.” Natasha whispered, unconvincingly. 

“No you’re not.” They both said at the same time. 

“How much intel did she get?” 

Clint looked into Natasha’s eyes and saw the blankness return, she either didn’t hear Nick, or didn’t want to answer. 

“She got everything, bank records, phone records, transactions, all of it. Natasha got everything. The only thing we don’t have now is locations and addresses.”

“No. I got those too. His address book is in my purse. I know it isn’t everything, but it’s a lot. There’s more I need to go in and get.” 

“No, Natasha. You’re done, you’re not going back in there. I’m not letting you. I can get the rest of the info another way. Natasha already told me before she got there they were torturing a guy.” 

“Natasha. Was the bug you planted in his house recording when you were there?” 

“It should have been, if it wasn’t the other three were.” 

“I’ll be wanting an update in three hours. Clint, don’t do anything stupid. Natasha, be safe.” Fury hung up the phone and left Clint and Natasha sitting together in silence. 

Clint rolled his eyes and controlled his rage to finish stitching up Natasha, he heard Peter stirring, but knew he would be ok for a few minutes without him. 

“Tasha, do you want to shower? I’ll make us some breakfast, I’m not going into work today.” 

“Clint, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, look at me. You did nothing wrong, you don’t need to apologize for anything.”

“You’re always looking out for me.” 

“That’s what we do Tash, we’re partners, remember?” 

“Yeah, I do.”

“Thank you.” 

“Anytime Tash, I know you’d do the same for me.” 

Natasha smiled softly, whatever was in her system was starting to clear out, there was still an incessant pounding in her head, but she had more control over her thoughts and body. 

“You go get in the shower, I’m going to go take care of Peter. I’ll come check on you in a few minutes.” 

 

“Hey there bud. Hi, Petey pie.” Clint cooed, picking him up from his crib.

Peter started to cry and burrowed into Clint’s chest. 

“I know Pete. I know your ears hurt. It’ll get better soon.” 

“Natasha’s home now, she’s in the shower, her ears probably hurt too. There’s a bad guy we’re trying to catch. He hurt her, he hurt her really bad and if I didn’t have you I probably would have killed him by now.” 

“He really is that bad of a person Pete. He hurt Natasha, and he hurts a whole bunch of other people. If you weren’t with me he might have even hurt you when you got older, but that’s not going to happen now. No, you’re safe with me, I won’t let anything hurt you Pete. I promise.” 

“There you go Pete. That’s it, calm down for me.” Clint soothed as he put drops into Peter’s ears, him and Natasha had taken him to the doctor a few days ago and they were told he had an ear infection. 

“You know, I wouldn’t have even known that you had an ear infection if it wasn’t for Natasha. She’s the one who noticed you weren’t feeling good. I mean, she even took your temperature.” 

“Let’s go down and check on her, I don’t want anything to happen to her. “ Clint said putting a pacifier in Peter’s mouth and closing the door to the nursery. 

“Natasha. Are you ok?” He called from the door to the bathroom, he saw a pair of Natashsa’s ballet slippers and walked over to touch them. 

“Yeah. I’m fine Clint, I’ll be out in a few minutes.” 

“Ok. Take your time, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I’m going to go clean up the kitchen.” 

Clint set Peter down in the swing and wiped down the counter and sink. He put an orange in the garbage disposal and started it, knowing it would clear the house of the smell of vomit. 

Clint looked around and saw his laptop sitting on the dining room table, he grabbed it and typed something in, knowing it would help cheer Natasha up, and keep her awake. 

“What are you doing?” Natasha asked as she stepped into the living room, the sun was just starting to rise and she shielded her eyes from the brightness. 

“Nothing, I just figured out what we’re going to do later on today.” 

“And what exactly is that? 

“It’s just a little surprise, nothing much. I just don’t want you falling asleep on me. Do you want pancakes or french toast?” 

“French toast.” 

Clint chuckled and turned away from her, Natasha always wants french toast. 

“Do you want strawberries or homemade caramel sauce?” Clint asked, pulling both options out of the fridge and showing them to her. 

“Strawberries.” 

Clint began making the batter for the french toast, allowing Natasha to add her own flicks of ingredients every once in a while, he knew how much she liked helping him cook. 

“How’s your head?” He asked as he put the first piece of french toast on the griddle and saw the blank look return to her eyes. 

“Feels like someone’s building a house inside of my cranium, but other than that I’m fine.” 

“Why do I get the feeling that everytime you say you’re fine, you aren’t?” 

“Probably because you’ve known me for too long.” 

Clint stared back at her, he looked into her eyes and saw she was hurting, that she wanted this to be over. Her tensed shoulders, and hidden hand told him that she was in more pain than she was letting on. 

“Trust me, Clint. I’ll be ok. I just need my ears to stop ringing and I’ll be right as rain again.” She said hopping off the barstool she was sitting on and grabbing out plates. 

“I don’t want you to just be ok Tash, I want you to be good, I want you to be able to have fun.” 

“Fun’s a dangerous game, Clint. When we finish this mission, maybe we could go have some fun together, maybe go to the beach again.” 

“That could be fun, we could take Peter. Lay out on the sand, relax after the hell we’ve gone through here.” 

Natasha smiled softly, she didn’t say anything and looked away from Clint. He saw her eyes dart away from him, her reflexes weren’t as fast as they normally were. 

“Natasha, what does that mean?”

“If I get attached to Peter, they could use him against me. They could hurt him and it would be my fault. I can’t hurt him. Please understand that.” Natasha whispered. 

Clint looked at her and ignored the burning piece of bread on the griddle. He turned off the griddle and grabbed her hand. He walked her over to where Peter was relaxing in the swing, he was fascinated with the spinning animals and let his pacifier fall out of his mouth. 

“Pick him up.” Clint told her. 

“Clint, please don’t.” 

“Tasha, please. Just do it.” 

“Clint, I could hurt him.” 

“Fine.” Clint huffed as he walked over and picked Peter up himself. 

“Take him.” 

“It’s dangerous.” 

“Natasha. I trust you. You won’t hurt him.” 

“Clint. Before, I didn’t do it because.”

“You did it because of the neighbor. I know. But please, just let me show you. Let me show you how it could be.” 

Natasha held her hand out to Peter tentatively. He looked over at her and smiled, reaching his hand out to grab her finger.

“Please, Natasha.” 

Natasha looked back at Clint and he nodded to her, she held her arms out gently, preparing to take him. Clint placed him into her arms without a worry in the world, he knew she had held him before, but he knew that this time it was different.

“I told you. You can’t hurt him.” He whispered as he let his hand linger on her arm. 

“How big is he now?” 

“Thirteen pounds, just turned three months old.”

“Three months already?” 

“Yeah, time flies, before you know it, he’ll be off to school.” 

“I think we’ve still got a while before then though.”

Clint smiled down at her, she might not have been thinking entirely straight, but he had at least gotten her to open up a bit. 

“Come on. Let’s go get breakfast.” 

 

“So, where exactly are we going again?” Natasha asked as she sat in the passenger seat and Clint buckled Peter in. 

“Well first we have to make a stop at the baby store. I want to get something I saw another dad from the office order yesterday.” 

Natasha nodded and turned the volume down on the radio. She rested her head back and watched as the neighborhood raced by. Clint took the path out of the community to specifically avoid passing by Mr. Bradley’s house. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me, Nat.” 

“I wasn’t planning on it. I’m just enjoying the ride.” 

Clint smiled and checked his rearview mirror to check on Peter. 

“How quickly do you think we could start dismantling the business without him knowing, or suspecting that it’s us?” 

“Tasha, let’s not talk about work right now. We can talk about anything else you want.” Clint muttered as he gripped the wheel slightly harder. 

"Well. What do you want to talk about then?" 

"When are you going to start speaking russian around Peter? I've heard it's better to teach kids a language when they are young." 

"I didn't know you wanted to raise him speaking Russian." 

"Well. Languages are important. I read somewhere it helps with brain development." 

"Oh, so now you're reading parenting books?" Natasha teased as she rolled her eyes with a smile. 

"I mean, I could be reading worse things. Plus I mean, it helps. Well I hope it does at least." 

"Well so far you've done better than the way either of us was raised." 

"I don't think that's the goal, but thanks. I've had some pretty amazing help along the way." 

"Yeah, Peggy's been great for him." 

"Well yeah, but I didn't exactly mean Peggy." 

"That's funny, Clint." 

"I'm serious, Tash. Without you I would be an absolute mess, I don't even think I would still be here." 

"What does that mean?" 

"It means stay, please." 

"Clint. We're spies, and assassins. No. I know you think that I'm not all there still, but I know what you're doing." Natasha scoffed and looked away from Clint. 

"What do you think I'm doing?" 

"I think you're trying to manipulate me and it's not working." 

"Natasha, I wouldn't dare to manipulate you. One because that's wrong and selfish and against everything I stand for, two I care about you too much to ever do that to you, and three, manipulating you would mean losing you, and that's something I can't do. You're my best friend, Tasha, always will be. I can't lose you." 

"A lot of people say things they don't mean." 

"You know I'm not one of them." 

"Natasha. I care about you and I don't have a doubt in my mind that I need you in my life." 

"Okay." She whispered with her voice shaking. 

"Okay." He responded as he pulled into the baby store parking lot. 

It wasn't much from Natasha, but it was something and that was all he wanted, he didn't need a big promise or confession. All he needed was hope. 

"So, what are we even here for anyway?" Natasha asked as she grabbed a basket and Clint put Peter's carseat in.

"The first time we went shopping we didn't get everything we needed, plus he's going to need new clothes soon." 

“What else could we possibly need?” Natasha pushed the basket and Clint put his hand over hers. 

“Clint?” Natasha asked as she watched his eyes flit around the store. 

“I don’t want you falling.” 

“No, what are you looking for?” 

“I'm trying to figure out where this carrier thing would be." 

"What is this thing you keep talking about?" 

"Its kinda like a backpack that you wear, but you put Peter in it, and you wear it on your chest rather than your back." 

Natasha turned to him and tilted her head. The look on her face made Clint start chuckling. 

"Barton, that could be the stupidest thing I've ever heard." 

"No, its absolutely genius. This way I can hold Peter and still do other things." 

"It's a copout to holding your kid. It's ridiculous." 

"No it's not. It's being efficient, Tash. Trust me, this is going to be great." 

 

"Tasha! Hand me Peter, will you?" Clint called and turned around to face her. 

"You've got to be kidding me." Natasha sighed as she saw the cloth contraption strapped to Clint's chest. 

"Come on. This will be great." 

"Clint, he's asleep. I'm not going to wake him up to see if he likes that thing." 

"Please? Just this once. I know he's been really fussy, but just let me make sure he's ok with it." 

"He has an ear infection, you can come get him if you're so set on making him try it out." 

Clint groaned, but the corner of his mouth twitched up. He walked over and picked up Peter with very little resistance on his part. He held Peter to his chest and buckled the straps one by one. 

"It's genius, Tash." 

"I am not using that thing." 

"I'm going to get it." He said taking Peter out of the carrier and putting him back in his carseat. 

Natasha's eyes saw the back of her head and she walked to the clothing section. She used the clothing racks for support when the floor started swimming beneath her and eventually her brain started to clear. 

"Tash! Nat! Nat!" 

Clint put his hand on the side of her face and stroked her cheek when he found her sitting on the floor with a child's jacket in her hand. 

"Hey there. Look at me. There you go, can you hear me, Tash? Everything's going to be ok." 

Natasha looked at him with nothing but fear and confusion in her eyes. With one glance Clint saw more pain in Natasha's eyes than she'd ever described to him. 

"Where were you?" He asked her without letting her look away. 

"Russia, his room, Sao Paulo." She whispered as Clint wiped away a stray tear from her face. 

"Hey, it's ok. Just focus on me, I'm right here." He said taking her into his arms. 

"I feel like I can't breathe." Natasha wheezed. 

"You're probably having a panic attack. Let's finish up here and then we're gonna go. Ok?" Clint whispered as his eyes darted around, looking for whatever would have set her off. 

"Clint, there's a recording of what happened last night. You can't see it, please. Fury has it, please don't listen to it." 

"I won't Tash. I promise you I won't, how can I help you right now? What can I do to help you?" 

"I need water and advil." 

"Then let's get out of here. I've got both of those things in the car." 

"We should get what we need first. We never know what could come next. I want to be prepared if anything happens." 

"Fine. Then we are getting the hell out of here, something about this place sets you off." 

Natasha avoided his gaze and touched his hand. 

"I'm going to be ok, Clint." 

"You deserve better than that. Come on." 

 

Clint closed the trunk and pulled out his cell phone. Peter was already in his carseat and Natasha was sitting in the front seat with the heater on. 

"Hello."

"Barton, I finished listening to the recordings of what happened last night." Fury grumbled into the phone. 

"And?" 

"Despite how badly the both of us don't want to send her back in there, I don't see any other way around it." 

"Fury, if you send her back in there you are an idiot." 

"What would Natasha want?" 

"Natasha doesn't get a say in this. She just had a panic attack in the middle of Baby's r Us. I'm not letting her go back in." 

"You don't get to make that call." 

"Bullshit. I'm her partner and lead on this mission." 

"And I still am your boss and the director of this agency. Trust me, if there was any other way for this mission to be accomplished without putting Natasha in excess danger I would do it, but there isn't." 

"Natasha was nearly beat half to death and could do nothing about it. If Natasha didn't have to have both hands tied behind her back I would have no problem with this, but you are leaving her defenseless." 

"Barton. You have orders, you need to follow them, the mission goes on as planned. Update me on her condition again in a few hours." 

Clint stood at the back of the car and waited for Fury to hang up the phone. 

"Barton, do you understand me?" 

"Yes sir." He growled. 

"Clint, is everything ok?" Natasha asked opening the front door and calling out to him. 

"Yeah. It was just work. Not a big deal. They wanted to make sure I submitted the paperwork for another first aid kit got submitted."

"Since when do they want paperwork for first aid kits?" 

"Since they started having to ship our supplies to the middle of Minnesota." 

Natasha chuckled, "It could be worse. They could be sending us supplies in Siberia again." 

"At least in Siberia you expect it to be cold as fuck, I expected it warmer in November." 

"It isn't that bad. Russia's colder than this on a warm day." 

"But you're Russian!" 

Natasha smiled and looked out of the window. "What did Fury actually want?" 

"He wanted to know how you're doing." 

"What else did he want?" 

"He gave me an update on the mission status. It's still unclear how he wants us to proceed." 

"Clint, you should stop lying, I know you aren't telling me the full story." 

"He's going to send you back in. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he wouldn't have it. I'm not going to stop until he gives in. I don't want you going back into that house." 

"Clint, this is my job." 

"And I'm not going to let you get killed doing it." 

"It's my job, you can't change that." 

"Doesn't mean I can't try and keep you from dying." Clint said as he pulled up to a red light. 

"Where are we going?" Natasha asked, looking at her surroundings and none of them seeming familiar. 

"There's a ballet studio on the other side of town, it's going out of business so they started renting out space by the hour. I rented us a space for three hours. I figured you'd enjoy getting to dance for a little while." 

"You didn't have to do that." 

"No, I didn't, but I figured it would help you get your mind off of things for a while. I also thought about maybe putting Peter into ballet when he's older, I figured I would get used to the vibe now instead of later." 

"You want to put him into ballet?" 

"You said it was the only thing that kept you human all those years. Plus, I mean it would keep him in shape and stuff." 

"I'm not objecting, it's just most american parents think about putting their sons in football and baseball, if they really want to push the envelope they put them in soccer." 

"Too many football players have gone crazy for me to want to put him in football. I mean, remember what happened to OJ Simpson? It's got to have something to do with all those hits to the head." 

"Who's OJ Simpson?" 

"Shit, you were still only on our watchlist when that happened, weren't you? Doesn't matter, he was this really good football player who killed his wife and then ran from the police." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah, and I mean, I didn't say I wasn't going to put him in say soccer or baseball, but I know you can start kids in dance earlier than you can those other sports." 

"He would more than likely be the only boy in any ballet class he takes." 

"I don't see anything wrong with that, I mean he would be surrounded by beautiful and strong women all the time." 

"Most parents aren't worried about how many girls their sons will get. Most of them are worried that the boys will turn out gay." 

"And what's so bad about that?" 

"He would be bullied to no end, I don't want that for him." 

"If kids bully him they'll have to answer to his Aunt Nat, but if Peter is gay, that doesn't matter to me, he's still my son, always will be. I can't change who he is, being gay is something you can't change or hide, it's like the sky being blue, or grass being green. It just happens." 

"If you train him, or let me train him, he won't have to worry about bullies." 

"For once, I'm way ahead of you on that one." 

"Is this the place?" Natasha asked as Clint pulled into a parking lot. 

"Yeah. Your ballet stuff is in the back. We have about 10 minutes for you to get changed before our space is available." Clint said looking at the clock. 

"Thank you for this." 

"Always." 

 

“Peter look. Look at Natasha, look at how pretty she is, see how graceful she moves, that’ll be you one day.” Clint whispered to the baby in his arms as he held him up to watch Natasha dance across the room. 

Natasha ignored his comments and continued to twirl and leap through the air. Her hair was tied back in a too tight bun, an old habit left over from the Red Room’s training. Her pointe shoes were worn in, but they felt like home. She was on the verge of needing new ones, but she couldn’t get rid of her current ones, Clint got them for her this past Christmas and they had more meaning than just a pair of ballet slippers. 

“Natasha, do you want me to lift you?” 

She didn’t hear him, her mind was counting steps and following the path that was engraved into her mind and laid across the floor. Clint watched the routine and recognized her movements, there was no mistaking her rhythmic movements and the melody playing in Natasha’s ears. 

Natasha moved her way closer to Clint, he watched her eyes flutter under the closed lids. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, he was watching his stich work on her ribs, just as much as he was watching how free she seemed. There was something a classic melody and a pair of ballet shoes did for Natasha that he doubted anything else would do for her, nothing else seemed to matter to Natasha when she danced, she always seemed peaceful and happy.

Natasha held herself precariously on pointe, with one of her legs extended behind her, she looked like a statue, or something out of a storybook, there was no way her pose was comfortable, but Natasha showed no sign of discomfort. 

Clint set Peter down, on his blanket, on the floor, and stood in the center of the room. One of his legs was bent slightly behind the other one as Natasha split leaped towards him. 

Clint braced for her weight to fall into his arms as he lifted her in the air, the move was complicated for trained professionals, but they pulled it off with ease. Clint set her down on the floor, and let his hands rest on her waist. 

Natasha took one of his hands into her’s. “Please don’t ever let our friendship fall apart.” 

“I won’t Tash, I’ll stay with you for as long as you want me to.” 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to trust.” 

“I’m not going to let that change anytime soon.” 

Natasha leaned her forehead against his and let the music in her headphones continue on and used him as a brace to start her next dance.


End file.
